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Nicole Kidman is reflecting on the night she won her first Oscar in 2003.
Nicole, now 56, won her first Academy Award for her portrayal of Virginia Woolf in The Hours. Her win came just a year after she was nominated at the Oscars for the first time, for her performance in Moulin Rouge.
On stage in 2003, Nicole struggled to hold back her tears as she accepted her award for Best Actress.
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At one point she even turned away from the audience as she attempted to compose herself, while playfully quipping, “Russell Crowe said, ‘Don’t cry when you get up there,’ and now I’m crying!”
Now, Nicole is reflecting on her first Oscar win in detail, recalling how she was quietly dealing with the finalization of her divorce from Tom Cruise.
Nicole and Tom’s marriage lasted for 11 years, from 1990 to 2001. During this time, they welcomed two adopted children, though Tom ultimately filed for divorce from Nicole due to “irreconcilable differences.”
The pair notoriously remained pretty quiet on the details of their divorce over the years, with Nicole even shutting down a reporter who asked her about Tom during an interview a few years ago.
But now, Nicole has offered some rare insight into how she was coping at the time as she looked back on her bittersweet first Oscar win.
Per People, Nicole told author Dave Karger in his new book 50 Oscar Nights, “I was struggling with things in my personal life, yet my professional life was going so well. That’s what happens, right?”
Nicole then recalled heading back to her hotel room after leaving the Oscars and ordering takeout, which she ended up eating on the floor.
“I went home and ended up ordering takeout and eating it on the floor of the Beverly Hills Hotel,” she said. “I sat on the floor of the hotel eating French fries and a burger with my family and went to bed.”
“I went to bed alone; I was in bed before midnight. If I ever won again, I’m telling you, I’d be out for 24 hours,” she added.
And Nicole said it was this very moment that made realize she needed to find love again.
“That’s when it hit me. I went, I need to find my love; I need a love in my life. Because this is supposed to be when you go, ‘This is ours,’” she said.
Of course, two years later, Nicole began dating her now-husband Keith Urban. The pair tied the knot in 2006, and share two kids: Sunday Rose, 15, and Faith Margaret, 13.
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