1. How does the man in the moon cut his hair?
2. What do you call it when you fall in love on Aug. 21, 2017?
A total eclipse of the heart.
3. What do you call the moon's online content?
4. What does a blogger from 2010 call a full link roundup about solar events?
5. What day is the eclipse happening?
Not sure. Either Sunday or Moonday.
6. Why does a moon rock taste better than an Earth rock?
It’s a little meteor.
7. Why is Aug. 21 the best day to freak out a time traveler from the Middle Ages?
Well, there's a coast-to-coast total solar eclipse but also, like, a car would scare them, so whatever.
8. Why didn't the sun go to college?
Because it already had a million degrees.
9. What do you call road-tripping to the eclipse?
Going where the sun don't shine.
10. Why did the Earth break up with the moon and make a solo album on Aug. 21?
It couldn't stand being in its shadow.
11. What do a solar eclipse over the US and an adult anime fan who lives with his mom have in common?
They both waited 38 years to go all the way.
12. What did the moon bring to the beach on Aug. 21?
13. If the eclipse were a meme, what would it be?
Moon: Don't talk to me or my sun ever again.
14. Why did Lord Voldemort watch the eclipse?
To practice the dark arts.
15. Did you hear about the new restaurant on the moon?
The food is great, but there's just no atmosphere.
16. Knock Knock.
Not the sun...
17. Boy: Dad, can you tell me what an eclipse is?
Dad: No sun.
18. Jupiter to moon on Aug. 21: Do you remember the sun?
Moon: No, I blocked it out.
19. Guy in Kentucky who is confused about the eclipse: Something weird happened with the moon and the sun the other day.
Friend: Ya, it got dark.
20. What did the moon say to her therapist?
I'm just going through a phase.
21. Thirty-eight years ago we had Steve Jobs, Bob Hope, and the sun. Now we have no jobs, no hope, and no sun. Please don't let Kevin Bacon die!
22. Why were so many children reported missing during the eclipse?
Because no one could find their sun.
23. Why did the moon burp?
Because it was full.
24. Why did the sun burp?
Because it had too much gas.
25. Why did the Earth burp?
Over the past century, humans’ increased reliance on fossil fuels has spurred a dramatic rise in atmospheric carbon dioxide.
26. Democracy dies on Aug. 21.