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This Small Illinois Town Had To Erect A Sign To Stop A Pooping Bandit

Some men just want to watch the world burn.

Posted on March 30, 2015, at 5:43 p.m. ET

Welcome to the small town of Hampton, Illinois, where the locals love nothing more than cycling and jogging along the pristine shores of the mighty Mississippi River.

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But all is not right in this picturesque little town...

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Someone keeps shitting all over the damn place.

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Did you really need to click that? You should know what poop looks like.

For two years city workers have been receiving reports of a mysterious poop bandit who keeps taking dumps on the Hampton bike path, officials told local media.

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The problem has gotten so out of control that the town's public works department has been forced to erect a sign pleading with the turd hoodlum to "stop pooping on (the) bike path."

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"It's not a joke. It's pretty nasty," public works supervisor Scott McKay told ABC7 with the air of someone who has had it up to here with this shit.

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McKay said he knows the evasive crap cretin is human because the poops are always discovered with a piece of toilet paper stuffed on top.

Who's the mystery pooper of Hampton, Illinois? Town urges halt to deucing on the bike path: http://t.co/RbP4axj5Cq

"It's gross and other people shouldn't have to use our path like that," McKay told ABC7. "Can you imagine if you were riding a bike and it slung up on...ew."

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To the Hampton shit hoodlum we have one message: 🚫💩

ABC7 / Via abc7chicago.com
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