UNAMERICANA
Terrorist Babies Are Gonna Kill You Dead!
When a terrorist mommy and a terrorist daddy love each other very much they make a terrorist baby. As long as that terrorist baby is born in the good ol’ USA, then it is an honest to God ‘made in America’ terrorist sleeper cell, free to roam the countryside legally terrorizing us as they please.
UNAMERICANA
Joe Biden Hates Smartass Custard Peddlers
The shop manager joked that if Biden would lower his taxes the custard would be on the house. Joe called the manager a smartass, shoved a handful of sprinkles in his mouth and then ran to his motorcade yelling, “Drive! Damn it, drive!”
UNAMERICANA
Michele Bachmann Loves The Idea Of Wacky Birther Steve King Being President
So, does Bachmann endorsing a racist sh*thead for President make you more or less likely to move to Canada by 2012?
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IN MEMORIUM: Sen. Robert Byrd (1917-2010)
"I know now I was wrong. Intolerance had no place in America. I apologized a thousand times… and I don’t mind apologizing over and over again. I can’t erase what happened." -Sen. Robert Byrd, 1997
UNAMERICANA
Dick Cheney: Not Dead Yet, Just Uncomfortable
Cheney is 69 years old and has been having semi-annual heart attacks since he was a toddler.
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Hot Mic Catches Reporters Mocking Sarah Palin For Being A Platitude Spewing Moron
After Palin was done speaking one of the mics got left on and you can clearly hear the reporters who were covering the event mocking her for spouting an endless stream of gibberish, sounding like an idiot and quoting Reagan like it’d bring him back from the grave.
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TRIBUTE: Michael Jackson’s Death Means Nothing To Me
It was one year ago today that drug addict and accused pedophile Michael Jackson died trying to take the ultimate nap.
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Rapper Who Claims To Have Pooped On The Moon Now Wants To Build Colony On Mars
Buzz Aldrin, an 80-year-old rapper and ballroom dancing enthusiast from California, wants the National Aeronautics and Space Administration to spend $6 billion to build a colony on Mars.
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Palin Gets Paid $93,000 To Speak In CA
I think we should all learn from Sarah Palin: You can make more money quitting your job and acting like an ass in public than you can by being gainfully employed.
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Bill Clinton’s Gonna Drink Until Everyone Gets Naked
Bill Clinton was on hand to watch the United States kick Ghana’s ass at the World Cup. The ex-President celebrated the victory by drinking beers, hugging shirtless dudes and blowing vuvuzelas until security arrived to taser him.
UNAMERICANA
BP Apologist Joe Barton Gets To Keep Committee Post After Ironic Apology To GOP
Yesterday the House GOP sat down, twiddled their thumbs for a bit and decided that Texas apology troll Joe Barton would be allowed to keep his senior position on the ever so important Energy Policy Committee.
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The Paranoid Nixonesque Side Of Rod Blagojevich
Have you been following the Blagojevich trial? You really should if you aren’t.
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Obama Makes Changes In General
McChrystal gave an interview with Rolling Stone Magazine and prattled on and on in great detail about how much he hated his boss. And then his boss, who happens to be the motherfucking President, called him back to DC, threatened to kick his ass and sat there quietly while McDouchebag signed his resignation letter and slowly slid it back across the desk.
UNAMERICANA
Bachmann Attacks Dems For ‘Fun’ Pet Projects Like Unemployment
A completely unapologetic Michele Bachmann went on a local Minnesota TV station to explain her recent comments implying that making BP pay for the Gulf oil spill clean-up was the equivalent of extortion. She is worried that the Democrats are going to take the money and have "fun" giving it to the poors.
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Jack Abramoff Making Jew Pizzas In Baltimore
He has been a lobbyist, a small business owner and a con man. Now Jack Abramoff can add pizzaboy to his resume.
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Jon Stewart Smacks Michele Bachmann
On BP being penalized: "now it seems that it’s all about extortion–and that what they want to do is create a pot of money for themselves that they can control" - Rep. Michele Bachmann
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Cuomo Admits He Was A Pothead
It’s funny how far we have come. Bill Clinton admitted to smoking pot, but not inhaling, and we torched the man in effigy for several months. Sarah Palin admits to burning one and we mistake it for intellectual honesty and applaud her candor. Cuomo says he smoked pot and we’re shocked that he didn’t try any harder drugs. This is why I am convinced that Pauly Shore will one day be President.
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Obama Details ‘Patients Bill Of Rights’
The basic idea is that the government gives millions of people welfare handouts directly out of Steve Forbes personal bank account, the whole time making Pat Buchanan watch until he blubbers like a girl and then filming it and putting it on the Youtubes.
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Colorado Springs Is Rolling In The Green
Legal marijuana sales in Colorado Springs hit a new high (tee hee) in April with a record $1.6 million in sales.
UNAMERICANA
White House Budget Director Orszag Out by July?
Damn you, Orszag. Why do you have to leave right now? Is it the $1.6 trillion dollar deficit? Is that what this is about?
UNAMERICANA
