A broken arm or leg should be the least of your worries.
"Truthfulness was going to be our guiding light, no matter what."
The god of mischief and great tweets.
Moving a resting cat is a crime in all 50 states.
If you think you see a two-headed dog, think again.
If you're an only child, consider yourself lucky.
Knowing how to say "butt cheek" in Spanish is obviously crucial info.
You own Baby Yoda merch.
Don't let your eyes deceive you.
"I see now that my initial love for it was an unconscious realization that being queer didn't have to be scary — it could be freeing."
Carbs know all.
I don't claim any of the negative energy in this post.
You can't convince me these things weren't built to kill.
She put us all on the right track, baby.
Providing free tech support in exchange for raising you seems fair.
Common sense is apparently a scarce resource.
If you're on the toilet as you read this, good luck.
We're looking beyond your toppings.
I've gone from whipping my hair to straight-up headbanging.
Give us a slice of your cake, Bucky.