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Twitter's 'CWalken' is Dead. Mosey Along Now; Nothing To See Here

ALAS, 'CWALKEN' IS DEAD. The Internet has been all atwitter about the ironic actor's alleged tweets on Twitter, the popular social networking site. The post that got everyone twatting (I have been dying to use that in a sentence, thanks Stephen Colbert!) and linking back to the cwalken account was posted on March 18th: "There's a kid on a Pogo stick in front of my house. It's nearly midnight so let's assume he's been drinking. This should end well for him." It certainly sounds like something Christopher Walken might say, doesn't it? Well it's not, and when Twitter confirmed it, it unplugged the account that had more 77,000 followers.

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Twitter Backlash

NO CRABBY, I WILL NOT TWITTER! I also won’t Myspace, Facebook and I’m not LinkedIn. For chrissakes, I’m still upset about the breakup of Ma Bell. If I sound crochtey, I am. So many means of communication, but life has turned into just a tower of babel.

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I OWE CHRISTOPHER WALKEN AN APOLOGY

ASHTON KUTCHER FORGOT FOR A MOMENT THAT he no longer produces Punk'd and posted a shot of his wife's pantied derriere on Twitter. Thank you Ashton! Ashton's prank, or pride, or generosity, or…whatever you want to call it…gives perfect entree to the subject of celebrities on Twitter, where they freely share the flotsam and jetsam of their minds with the masses.

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Major Constellations In Twitter Galaxy

ASHTON KUTCHER FORGOT FOR A MOMENT THAT he isn't producing Punk'd any longer and posted a shot of his wife's pantied derriere on Twitter. Thank you Ashton! Ashton's prank, or pride, or generosity, or…whatever you want to call it…gives perfect entree to the subject of celebrities on Twitter, where they freely share their minds' flotsam and jetsam with the masses.

Crabby Golightly Crabby Golightly

The Shiniest Stars in Twitter Galaxy

ASHTON KUTCHER FORGOT FOR A MOMENT THAT he isn't producing Punk'd any longer and posted a shot of his wife's pantied derriere on Twitter. Thank you Ashton! Ashton's prank, or pride, or generosity, or…whatever you want to call it…gives perfect entree to the subject of celebrities on Twitter, where they freely share their minds' flotsam and jetsam with the masses.

Crabby Golightly Crabby Golightly

Pots O' Gold Or Misfortune? Leprechauns On YouTube!

March is the big bitch bartender who laughs at you. But suddenly, one day, March 17th to be exact, that bitch becomes infinitely more appealing. This is the day that she pours me a pint of dark beer. Guinness and Bell's Porter will do that to a girl: convince her that her least favorite month isn't so bad after all. Of course, I have Saint Patrick's Day to thank for the demystification of my now coveted brew, and, duh, leprechauns to thank for Saint Patrick's Day (right?). Okay, so while I know I'm totally wrong about the origins of the Irish holiday, I still have memorialized the glory of those magically delicious creatures with a few choice YouTube videos.

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Stalking A Stranger Wearing $7,000 Shoes

She was a tall, fit blonde, beautifully dressed and on her cell, thank goodness. That way she didn't notice me stalk, ah, following her down the block. Her Louboutins were taupe suede with tiny little tassels near the pinky toe that bounced as she walked. I followed her, not too closely, for about 2 blocks, to note every detail. Why? Who the hell knows.

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Oprah Hits The Truth On the Head: Rihanna, He'll Do It Again

WHERE'S THE DEBATE? All over the web, apparently. The question is being asked: Is Oprah out of line warning Rihanna that "if a man hits you once, he will hit you again." The skepticism might be the result of earlier suspicions that Oprah was playing "both sides" in the Chris Brown/Rihanna drama because, allegedly, Oprah's initial reaction to charges against Brown was less than bristling.

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YouTube's Trent From Punchy: Trent From Punchy: Sicko? Or Proof Positive Of Drugs' Dangers

SOME "FILMMAKERS" (A.K.A. DICKHEADS WITH CAMERA?) found this kid at the Punchbowl Railway Station in Sydney, Australia and paid him $20 to film him. Be prepared to be appalled.The first time I watched, I thought there was something seriously wrong with poor Trent, and that the filmmakers were exploiting him and his personal tics. Then, Trent mumbled 'What kind of drugs don't Trent like?' and a light flicked on in my brain: this is just like a "Just Say No' PSA. Trent wasn't mental; he was just all fucked up on drugs!

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Does God Return Calls? And Does He Own Perpetual Rights to Your Call?

HAVEN'T WE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR THIS? Isn't this just what we'd expect in the era of instant gratification and in-your-face manners? Obviously skilled in the ways of marketing, Dutch artist Johan van der Dong has set up a Netherlands telephone number where you can leave messages for God. van der Dong told Reuters that he set up the line "to give people an opportunity to take pause and contemplate life. Like praying, leaving a voicemail message is a way to organize your thoughts," he said. "It's a perfect combination for some contemplation." Now's your chance to pour out your soul, cry for salvation, repent, or just demand an explanation of why you can't have babies, your body is decaying, and/ or how you're supposed to retire now that your 401K is down the toilet? Or maybe just ask: um, do you own the rights to my private calls in perpetuity?

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