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22 Reasons Why Penguins Are Hands Down The Best Animals On Earth

Penguins are better than everything. Everything.

Posted on November 21, 2013, at 7:54 p.m. ET

Penguins are perfect. / Via

This is not up for debate for the following reasons:

1. Penguins are always black tie ready, just in case some classy shit pops off. / Via

When is the last time you wore a tux for no reason at all? Never, that's when.

2. Their classy coatings aren't just stylish, they camouflage them from rude predators. / Via

It's called "countershading." Predators swimming above them can't see them because their black backs blend in with the darkness of the ocean, and those swimming beneath them can't see them because their white bellies blend with the light in the sky. GENIUS.

3. They have the cutest, goofiest, siilliest, most adorable little waddle ever. / Via

They be like Smooth, can you teach me how to waddle?

4. Penguins are generally unafraid of humans. / Via

So don't take them for punks. They ain't nobody's punks.

5. But when they do approach humans, it's usually for snacks and tickles. / Via

Penguins love tickles.

6. They don't often get falling down drunk, but when they do, it's pretty freaking adorable. / Via

Time to go home, cutie pie. You've had enough.

7. Sure they can't fly, but they swim like hell and can jump 7 feet into the air. / Via

Just look at these majestic bastards.

8. They're also expert divers, torpedoing down as deep as 1,870 feet.

National Geographic / Via

Michael Phelps WHO?!

9. Penguins are amazing employees. / Via

They're usually the first ones into the office, the last ones to leave, and they rarely eat other people's lunches out of the company refrigerator.

10. Some prehistoric penguins grew to be nearly human-sized. / Via

This is actually kind of creepy.

11. They rarely have time for your bullshit. / Via

A quality we could all benefit from having.

12. They're SUPER helpful, like this guy getting his friend a newspaper:

And this guy, who loves to throw on his penguin backpack and go grocery shopping for his family. / Via

And you pitch a fit when your mom so much as asks you to take out the trash!

13. They're kind of clumsy, but not in an almost-set-the-house-on-first kind of way. / Via

More like in an "Awww, what an adorable little scamp" kind of way.

14. Still, they're nimble enough to be better than you at soccer.

15. Penguins are kind of jerks sometimes. / Via

But they're FUNNY jerks, so it's okay.

16. Penguins are very skilled with a makeup brush.

Ross Land / Getty Images

Just look at the eyeshadow on this yellow-eyed penguin. Blended to the gods, honey.

17. And the Macaroni penguin's weave game is tighter than yours has ever been.

That hair is laid.

18. A goup of pengins in the water is called a "raft." Guess what a group of penguins on land is called.

19. Penguins are monogamous, so when they love, they love forever. / Via

Your ex knows NOTHING about that.

20. They're also amazing parents.


When a penguin egg is laid, its father incubates it on top of its feet waiting for it to hatch, barely moving or eating himself for two months. Meanwhile, mom is off doing some heavy duty fishing to make sure Junior has food to eat. Parents of the year.

21. Penguins inspired one of the funkiest dances ever.

The Martin show / Via

And several funky songs, such as this jam by Rufus Thomas.

22. And they're not so bad at dancing themselves. / Via

Those hips don't lie!

Let's all try to be a bit more like the penguin in all its grace and majesty. / Via


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