BuzzFeed News

Reporting To You

tech

23 People Who Want To Have Sex With The New iPhone

They're kind of joking, but just until they see if Apple's into it. WARNING: Hilariously filthy language.

Posted on September 12, 2012, at 12:01 p.m. ET

#iPhone5Features sex-- neondeception

I'll buy the iPhone 5 if you can turn it into a fleshlight.

I'll buy the iPhone 5 if you can turn it into a fleshlight.-- Chris Or†iz

#iPhone5features Fleshlight-- jon evans

#iPhone5Features You can now have sex with it!

#iPhone5Features You can now have sex with it!-- Matt Funke

Sex hole #iPhone5Features-- Max Fuller

iPhone 5 come out already I want to fuck the shit out of you !!!!!

iPhone 5 come out already I want to fuck the shit out of you !!!!!-- frankie aldana

#iPhone5Features Sex-- |Riley|

A fleshlight.RT @gitweeta: iPhone 5 to be released later this month. Wonder what features it will have...

A fleshlight.RT @gitweeta: iPhone 5 to be released later this month. Wonder what features it will have...-- Mr. No Days Off.

The iPhone 5 better be cool as shit.. I'm talkin bigger screen/improved resolution, better Siri, Fleshlight attachment.. The works!!

The iPhone 5 better be cool as shit.. I'm talkin bigger screen/improved resolution, better Siri, Fleshlight attachment.. The works!!-- Dr. Drankenstein

@NicholasGazin @tommyrocket other desired iPhone 5 features: Fleshlight attachment, little pop out robo legs, buttons that make it cuss.

@NicholasGazin @tommyrocket other desired iPhone 5 features:

Fleshlight attachment, little pop out robo legs, buttons that make it cuss.-- Nicholas Gazin

Rumor has it that the iPhone 5 has a new feature that doubles as a fleshlight. Any truth to this?

Rumor has it that the iPhone 5 has a new feature that doubles as a fleshlight. Any truth to this?-- Spencer ritt

#iPhone5Features I heard there’s going to be facefuck integration. Finally, a use for the rear-facing camera.

#iPhone5Features I heard there’s going to be facefuck integration. Finally, a use for the rear-facing camera.-- Jordan Cooper

Some people want a more emotional connection.

Gently caresses you and assures you that the universe is not indifferent to your crippling loneliness. Also, new camera. #iPhone5Features

Gently caresses you and assures you that the universe is not indifferent to your crippling loneliness. Also, new camera. #iPhone5Features-- A.S. Paul

#iPhone5Features Siri tucks your hair behind your ear, making you feel held without actually holding you

#iPhone5Features Siri tucks your hair behind your ear, making you feel held without actually holding you-- Drew Koshgarian

Others want to make sure their iPhone is satisfied.

Lick to dial. #iPhone5Features

Lick to dial. #iPhone5Features-- Lino

If you lick Siri till she climaxes, she’ll let you change font size in Mail. (Achievement unlocked!!) #iPhone5Features

If you lick Siri till she climaxes, she’ll let you change font size in Mail. (Achievement unlocked!!)

#iPhone5Features-- ʇsınbɐǝSǝʌǝʇS

I feel bad that Siri has to deal with this.

#iPhone5Features siri will be able to have phone sex with you

#iPhone5Features siri will be able to have phone sex with you-- INKEDâ„¢

#iPhone5Features You can have sex with Siri now.

#iPhone5Features You can have sex with Siri now.-- Sean-Paulâ„¢

#iPhone5Features Siri will have phone sex with you in a Russian accent.

#iPhone5Features Siri will have phone sex with you in a Russian accent.-- Mike Helinger

Siri talks dirty to you #iphone5features

Siri talks dirty to you #iphone5features-- Molly

#Siri.... you'll be a woman soon #iPhone5features

#Siri.... you'll be a woman soon #iPhone5features-- Micaiah Von Walter

RT @michaelkosta: Siri sucks your dick and let's you cum all over her face. #iPhone5Features

RT @michaelkosta: Siri sucks your dick and let's you cum all over her face. #iPhone5Features-- Jonathan Bouvet

But in the end, it boils down to the same thing.

I wish I could fuck my iPhone.-- BaconHuffer

UPDATE: From the Verge Liveblog

Apparently some gadget writers are also familiar with this sentiment.

Apparently some gadget writers are also familiar with this sentiment.

Support our journalism

Help BuzzFeed News reporters expose injustices and keep quality news free.

Contribute
ADVERTISEMENT