This is 24-year-old Madison Bilheimer and her golden retriever Dierks, who was named after country singer Dierks Bentley. They live in Richmond, Virginia.
And you're clicking and reading this BuzzFeed News post because it's Monday and we're all trying to get through another hellish week together.
Dierks is an all-around Good Boy but also "quite a character with a goofy personality," Bilheimer told BuzzFeed News exclusively. Last week, as Bilheimer and her boyfriend were watching TV, they tossed a tennis ball for Dierks to fetch. Dierks did not return the ball.
In fact, Dierks didn't return at all. They suddently heard a series of loud thuds from the bedroom.
"I literally think that he’s having a seizure so I sprint in there," Bilheimer said.
In her room, she discovered her planter had been shattered all over her floor. She found Dierks on the other side of the room, with her nightstand stuck on top of him, but completely innocent of any wrongdoing. Thankfully she started recording (remember: we can't lay any blame until all evidence is collected):
We know it looks incriminating, but hear us out.
Dierks is innocent. And everyone agrees.
"He obviously got attacked by the table," one person said.
"Y'all need to get rid of that table before it attacks someone else," another advised.
Meanwhile, Dierks, with the nightstand still on top of him, has no idea why you're freaking out. Because nothing happened.
We're happy to report that not only did Dierks not get into any trouble, he immediately began "smiling so big and wagging his tail so hard," because dogs have no effing idea what's going on ever.
RULING: INNOCENT. BECAUSE DOG.