Demit Strato is a 28-year-old New Yorker who, like many of us, enjoys a nice iced coffee from time to time.
However, he has a problem. He found out about four years ago he is lactose intolerant, so his coffees can become catastrophic if he doesn't use nondairy milk.
This month, Strato claimed it happened twice. While bored on the toilet from one of these ~incidents~ this week, he decided to publicly appeal to Starbucks about his woes.
He wrote:
This is the second time I ordered a Venti Iced Coffe with Soy Milk this month where the Soy Milk request was ignored and regular milk was instead used. I've pooped 11 times since the A.M. My bottom hurts from all the wiping. Do you think I enjoy soy milk? Does anyone enjoy soy milk? Really? I don't order soy mill [sic] because I'm bored and want my drink order to sound fancy. I order soy milk so that my bottom doesnt blast fire for 4 hours. I'm not a Charmander. Thank you for listening to my rant.
P.S. I'm writing this from the comfort OF MY TOILET.
His post quickly spread through Facebook. While many people were laughing at his eloquently worded rant, many people with the same allergy or intolerance were like "YES."
SO many people could relate to his pain...literally.
Like this horror story before a race...no.
Or this shopping disaster.
"This is why I'm a paranoid barista stalker. I don't enjoy reenacting the poo scene from Dumb and Dumber when someone poisons my beverage w cow juice!!!"
Baristas also weighed in to say sorry and provide some helpful tips.
"As a former Starbucks barista and someone with lactose intolerance, I empathize with you and apologize on behalf of all baristas."
Strato called his post going viral an "awesome surprise."
"You'd be really surprised by how many women are trying to go out on a date after this, too," he said.
He's even got some free stuff. Verb sent him some of their lactose-free energy bars and toilet fragrance company Poo-Pourri has promised him a package as well.
Starbucks didn't comment on his post, but Strato said the company sent him a $50 gift card in the mail. A spokesperson didn't immediately return BuzzFeed News' request for comment.