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What The CIA Twitter Account Really Means To Say

The CIA admitted Thursday it hacked computers used by a Senate committee investigating the CIA.

Posted on July 31, 2014, at 2:22 p.m. ET

Remember when the CIA joined Twitter? They seemed so warm and fuzzy. Which is definitely in keeping with reality.

We can neither confirm nor deny that this is our first tweet.

CIA@CIA

We can neither confirm nor deny that this is our first tweet.

1:49 PM - 06 Jun 14ReplyRetweetFavorite

On Thursday, the CIA said an internal investigation had found that the agency had improperly accessed computers used by the Senate Intelligence Committee while the committee was preparing a report … on the CIA.

At the time, the Senate Intelligence Committee was investigating the CIA's detention and interrogation program, now defunct. A CIA spokesman said in a statement that the agency's inspector general "concluded that CIA officers had acted inappropriately by gaining access to the computers," the New York Times reported. CIA Director John Brennan apologized to the committee's ranking members, Senators Dianne Feinstein and Saxby Chambliss, it said.

The Twitter account doesn't look so warm and fuzzy now. What would it look like if the account tweeted in light of today's news?

What the CIA says:

We collect, analyze, evaluate, and disseminate foreign intel to help US policymakers make national security decisions http://t.co/PnSutkS7OO

CIA@CIA

We collect, analyze, evaluate, and disseminate foreign intel to help US policymakers make national security decisions http://t.co/PnSutkS7OO

12:03 PM - 16 Jun 14ReplyRetweetFavorite

What the CIA means to say:

We collect, analyze, evaluate and disseminate intelligence to help us keep tabs on what the Senate is saying about us.

What the CIA says:

“We have an obligation as intelligence professionals to look beyond the next horizon…”

CIA@CIA

“We have an obligation as intelligence professionals to look beyond the next horizon…”

1:18 PM - 11 Jun 14ReplyRetweetFavorite

What the CIA means to say:

"We have an obligation as intelligence professionals to look inside Senate computers."

What the CIA says:

“The world is grappling with a new breed of challenges enabled by advancing technology.” #INTELCON

CIA@CIA

“The world is grappling with a new breed of challenges enabled by advancing technology.” #INTELCON

1:17 PM - 11 Jun 14ReplyRetweetFavorite

What the CIA means to say:

"The CIA is enjoying a new breed of advantages enabled by advancing technology." #SENATEHACK

What the CIA says:

“CIA is𠉪 learning organization, one that makes a deliberate effort to learn from the past, adapt to the times, and refine its methods”

CIA@CIA

“CIA is𠉪 learning organization, one that makes a deliberate effort to learn from the past, adapt to the times, and refine its methods”

1:13 PM - 11 Jun 14ReplyRetweetFavorite

What the CIA means to say:

"CIA is a learning organization, one that makes a deliberate effort to learn from the past, adapt to the times, and hack into computers."

What the CIA says:

Former CIA Director #Helms said: “Gadgets cannot divine man’s intentions.”

CIA@CIA

Former CIA Director #Helms said: “Gadgets cannot divine man’s intentions.”

1:24 PM - 11 Jun 14ReplyRetweetFavorite

What the CIA means to say:

Former CIA Director #Helm said: "Gadgets cannot divine man's intentions." But we think they can.

What the CIA says:

No, we don’t know your password, so we can’t send it to you. #sorrynotsorry #twitterversary

CIA@CIA

No, we don’t know your password, so we can’t send it to you. #sorrynotsorry #twitterversary

5:01 PM - 07 Jul 14ReplyRetweetFavorite

What the CIA means to say:

Yes, we do know your password, if you serve on the Senate Intelligence Committee. #sorrynotsorry #twitterversary

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