“Hosting at a hotel in the city. Yes, THAT one,” read a recent ad on a hookup site that caters to men who prefer sex without condoms. “Ass up at a Chelsea hotel. You know the one,” read another. “British cum dump taking loads,” advertised another.
This Manhattan hotel (which we aren’t naming so people can continue to hook up in peace) isn’t the only one in New York City that queer men frequent for casual sex and hookups, but it’s become notorious in gay circles as the site for a particular kind of sex act called cumdumping.
Cumdumping is when two men have unprotected anal sex and the penetrative partner ejaculates into the receptive partner’s anus. The receptive partners call themselves cumdumps. Men who are into the kink often get off on the number of loads they receive. It’s a misunderstood — and often maligned — kink. Earlier this year, for example, various sectors of Gay Twitter came together to comment on one man’s cumdump session after it went viral. The man, then known as @breedlacumhole, gleefully posted that he had accomplished his goal of getting 75 loads in a span of 24 hours. People made YouTube videos weighing in on the drama, which ignited a conversation around sex positivity and the limits of the phrase. The discussion mostly featured people making derisive comments about cumdumping. People tweeted jokes on Twitter, “75 loads” trended on Twitter, and the moment was repeatedly mocked, though there were also people who defended the act. “I just find it odd how the same folks [that] were shading that man for the 75 loads are the same ones planning to go to the sex parties in ATL for MLK weekend… what happened to that health concern yall kept bringing up?” one person tweeted.
Folks tend to easily dismiss or shame sex acts they don’t understand, but being a cumdump, according to those who regularly do it, isn’t just some reckless act, though there’s always a risk of STI transmission when having unprotected sex. And they say many of the misconceptions about the fetish are unfounded.
Some people help facilitate meetups and foster a sense of community, like Beau Harrison (a pseudonym), 31, who operates the Twitter account @BestCumdumps. He writes a newsletter where bottoms can promote upcoming cumdump sessions and tops can search for nearby guys. Harrison also recommends the best hotels for meetups. Since joining Twitter in November of last year, Harrison’s small but active community has grown to include more than 7,000 followers.
Harrison told me over email he had the idea for the newsletter after he experienced an annoying inconvenience while on a trip. Someone had recommended a hotel to him in a city that purportedly didn’t require keycard access for visitors. As it turns out, that person was wrong, but Harrison had already spent around $200 on a room for the night. Hotels that don’t require key card access are crucial for cumdump sessions. It’s easier to maintain discretion when guys can enter and exit the hotel without being stopped. He knew other men might feel similarly, which is why he created the newsletter. “The site also has a cumdump calendar where guys can post their sessions or perhaps even see if they can pair up with another hosting cumdump; or avoid certain nights [or] locations if there are a few guys already booked at a specific hotel,” he said, describing the various resources the newsletter offers. “There's also a findacumdump feature that's geo-based which lets guys who can host have a listing.”
“Every cumdump has their own reasons for participating in this behavior,” Harrison said. “For myself, it provides an opportunity to have my sexual needs met without the need for dating or courting someone as I lead a very busy life.” The fetish, he said, “provides the anonymity I require to compartmentalize and keep my professional life intact. It also allows me to counter the dominance I have in that professional life by submitting and relinquishing control.” Some men rejoice in a sense of satisfaction from breaking their load goal, while others practice cumdumping to attract more clients on OnlyFans or JustForFans.
Beyond creating a healthy space for men to figure out how they can participate in this specific sex act, Harrison also hopes to destigmatize cumdumping and make it safer. He said he’s heard of “targeted attacks with some guys being kicked out of their hotels,” in addition to some men being physically assaulted or robbed. “I started this site and Twitter handles to help formalize this community and help those in places around the country and world where they feel isolated,” Harrison said. “By giving them this resource, they feel empowered and know they're not alone.”
But Harrison isn’t the only one trying to counter the misconceptions around the kink. Members of the cumdumping community are also eager to share why they engage in it.
“Oh god, there are so many [misconceptions about cumdumping],” said @CumdumpBoston, a 35-year-old lawyer who lives in Boston, who asked that I refer to him by his Twitter handle to respect his privacy. He said he’s been going to the Manhattan hotel for this particular sex act for years now. (“There’s almost no security whatsoever, you don’t need a key card to get in the elevator, and it’s not super expensive.”) He said that the two big misconceptions are that he does this “because otherwise I can’t get laid or I’m desperate or something like that” and that he’s “irresponsible and spreading disease.” He told me, “I get a full STI screen panel done every three months with my doctor. Most cumdumps I know are really on top of their sexual health.”
“Risks are inherent in everything we do sexually,” said Dr. Evan Goldstein, a New York City–based proctologist. “But it needs to be understood that the risks from unprotected sex do not just come from the sexual act itself — they can start with how you prepare for sex.”
Goldstein opened his practice, Bespoke Surgical, in part to “provide safe spaces to discuss these increasingly important topics, which most doctors don’t feel comfortable enough to do or are simply not well versed enough to have.” Goldstein highlighted the importance of properly preparing for sex, advising against cleaning out or “douching” with “unsubstantiated products” and “[going] through too many rinse cycles.” And when it comes to lubrication, you want to make sure you’re using the right kind. Don’t use spit instead of lube, and try to avoid water-based lubes as they can be “caustic to the native anal and rectal tissue.”
Goldstein also offered some advice for tops who participate in the cumdump kink. “One thing that’s important to also call out is that there isn’t only risk for the cumdump — the cumdump scenario can impact the tops as well,” he said. “Trauma is trauma, whether to the precious hole or to the cock in the hole. Friction, semen, excrement, and stool can all create an unfavorable environment that can clearly negatively impact everyone involved. With that said, let’s own the risk — rather than stigmatizing it — and talk about how we can mitigate it.”
@CumdumpBoston always knew he was a bottom and used condoms in his late teens and early 20s. But when he began regularly hooking up with a couple he was really into, he decided to try going bareback (condomless sex). “It took a few times of talking me into it and finally I was like, ‘All right, fine, fine, fine. If you promise, you know, you're ‘clean,’ which is a word I hate now,” @CumdumpBoston said. The experience, he said, “awakened something in me, feelings both physical and psychological that I didn’t know that I liked or wanted, and it was kind of like, ‘Oh, this the kind of sex that I enjoy.’”
From that moment on, he began engaging in more bareback sex, posting ads on Craigslist and other sites, which, he said, for a 22-year-old bottom, proved to be sexually gratifying. He considers a man ejaculating inside him the purest form of sex. “The purpose of having sex is like a deep connection with the person, right?” @CumdumpBoston said. “I guess what makes me a cumdump and not just, like, a bottom — because I do think they’re kind of different things — is the goal of sex is that exchange of fluids.” He went on to say, “It ends literally in someone transmitting to you their DNA essentially. And for me, if that's not a part of the equation, it's not really sex.”
While some men take an open-door, “no loads refused” approach, Harrison told me others have created a vetting system to keep themselves safe. By having someone else help manage what men are coming through, a kind of qualitative control is put in place. Harrison prefers to vet his tops himself, opting to use a scheduling app where they book short 15-minute sessions after he’s asked them questions about their sexual behavior, including their STI status. The sessions are designed to be quick, with no lingering around from tops. He also asks for dick pics. “I’ve never done an open-door, ‘no load refused’ session, but that’s just me and one model within the community,” he said.
I spoke to some people who said they appreciate having another person present to help the cumdump session run more efficiently. Typically the cumdump and person making sure the sessions run smoothly have some sort of established relationship. Though it should be noted, hosting events in this way is a matter of preference. Most of the cumdumps I spoke with host their events alone.
For @nyc_hole, a 27-year-old flight attendant based in New York, the guy at one such cumdumping session happened to be a therapist and helped him realize why he was attracted to the kink in the first place. “Going for such a long time in my life without ever really exploring my sexuality, and being in the closet for such a long time, fantasizing about what my sex life would maybe be like once I finally did come out, I realized much of why I do this is because of the satisfaction of making guys come,” he said. “It was almost reassuring that I can be an object of somebody’s desire.”
It’s not uncommon to see couples participating in the kink, placing requests on hookup apps and websites to see if anyone is up for a good time, with the top partner reviewing guys who will be coming over to have sex with their partner. It’s just one way to keep all participants comfortable and physically protected, though many cumdumps who participate without a partner told me they don’t usually feel unsafe during these encounters. “I’ve been doing this, like I said, since 2009, so 12, 13 years, [and] one time a guy stole a candle from my house,” @CumdumpBoston told me during our chat. “That’s the worst thing that’s happened.”
But, while many cumdumps have held countless sessions without any issue, some men like @nyc_hole have had their jobs put at risk because of their desires.
He told me he had made plans to attend Scum, a members-only group that consistently hosts sex parties in New York. “I jokingly tweeted [on a private account], ‘Oh, should I call out of work to go to this party?’ And the next time I went into work, the employee experience manager came up to me and was like, ‘Hey, do you have a minute to step in my office? I just have something I want to show you.’” @nyc_hole didn’t know what to expect, because as far as he knew, there were no issues with his performance at work. “When I sat down in the office, [the manager] said, ‘OK, so over the weekend we got a pretty strange email with screenshots to what I guess is your Twitter or your not safe for work Twitter. And the email said if [@nyc_hole] calls out of work on this day, it's because he's going to this sex party.”
@nyc_hole told me the email also contained screenshots that dated back more than a year, which he found disconcerting. “I really tried my best to Nancy Drew the situation,” he added, but could not figure out who was trying to get him in trouble at work. He has since left the company and now works elsewhere.
When I visited the famous “cumdump hotel” in Manhattan earlier this month, I was surprised by the air of indifference that permeated the lobby. There were only a few people at the front desk, assisting tourists. Dozens of brochures — meant to entice first-time visitors to tourist traps around the city — were on display near the elevator, which was not being monitored by anyone, confirming what many of the cumdumps I spoke with had said. (The hotel, at least according to a few people I interviewed, is not only a cumdump haven, but it’s also a place to cruise for anonymous sex, usually in staircases or bathrooms within the building.)
While there are a multitude of reasons why various cumdumps like their kink, some people said one frustrating aspect of the fetish stems from guys thinking that since they’re game to be “loaded” by several men, they must be up for anything. “When I first started doing it, I was just doing it for fun,” Loki (a pseudonym), who works a customer service job, told me. “But I didn’t know there were like marathoners out there that could just go and go. I’m not one of them girls. I have limits.”
Recounting his own experiences, @nyc_hole said, he’ll often jokingly say things like, “I’m just a hole” during any given session or while fooling around on social media. However, “I am still a person with boundaries and rules,” he said. “If you’re doing something that hurts or if I’m uncomfortable, I will let you know, and I'm not afraid to let you know.” Ninety-five percent of the time, he told me, his encounters have gone well, but there are instances where he’s had to kick guys out because they’re on substances like “[crystal] meth or liquid [GHB] or something like that.”
Inevitably, the cumdump kink will probably continue to exist on the fringes. “I think as gay people, sometimes we are way more conservative than we let on,” a porn producer who films a lot of cumdump scenes for the studio @NYSEEDXXX told me. “We live in this box of queerness until it is outside of the heteronormative version of our queerness — and then once we are outside of that, everything else is terrible.”
“Our sexual desires and/or kinks/fetishes should be completely fulfilled — sometimes literally,” said Goldstein, who told me there wasn’t anything inherently dangerous about taking multiple “loads” — although all people who have unprotected sex are at risk for STIs. “The key here is to truly embrace our desires and literally fuck all the taboos or stigmas presently out there in this crazy world.
Harrison, the cumdump newsletter creator, believes he’s doing something worthwhile, and with real impact — he continues to receive emails from people from all over the world who “finally feel they have a voice and are part of a community,” he said. And if there’s one thing he wants people to take away from this kink, it’s that “this is one aspect of sexual behavior that simply fulfills a desire that doesn't impact anyone else other than participants.”
“There’s no coercion that’s happening and really one of the only honest and clear forms of expectations with sexual behavior,” he said. “Cumdumps are providing clear expectations as to the scenario and if there are willing participants to visit, then they do. It’s meeting the needs of all parties, so there is full consent and clarity.” ●