Quiz

BuzzFeed News San Francisco Bureau Chief

Tech

In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is probably just wearing an eye patch as some sort of twee affect.

Which Weird As Hell Tech Founder Are You?

What kind of beverage do you start your day with?

What's the most surprising architectural detail in your home?

You are the CEO of multiple companies that either create phallic-looking machinery or giant holes into which to pilot them. The CEO of Twitter says you are very good at Twitter, though your behavior on the platform has drawn a defamation lawsuit and SEC order forced you to resign as chair of your electric car company. You love flamethrowers and a good 420 joke, but fucking _hate_ the color yellow.

Elon Musk

You are the CEO of payments company and an outrage platform that probably started as a joke. You love infrared saunas and the word "woke." While your earlier artistic aspirations to reportedly become a dressmaker may not have worked out, your beard is pretty great.

Jack Dorsey

You are the CEO of just one publicly traded company. But that company has subverted democracy all over the world — so there is that. You used to wear a hoodie with a bizarre Illuminati-style logo inside it. When you invite people over for dinner, you like to kill a goat and serve it to them while announcing that you yourself killed it, which is a maximum quirk power move.

Mark Zuckerberg

You are Peter Thiel. (If you really are, please don't sue us.)

Peter Thiel

You founded Silicon Valley catastrophe Theranos, and your well-documented fall from grace and the perhaps illegal activities that caused it will soon be the subject of a major motion picture. Jennifer Lawrence is going to play you, which is awesome. You one-upped Steve Jobs by adding a horrific unblinking stare to his trademark jeans and black turtleneck attire. Your dog is not a wolf, but you insist to everyone that it is. Soon your dog WILL be a wolf, through your sheer force of will.

Elizabeth Holmes

You founded Google, but are now the CEO of Alphabet, a company nobody has ever heard of. Google has had its share of troubles over the past year — from child exploitation videos on YouTube to controversy over its work with China — but you made someone else CEO (lol) and are now reportedly kicking it on your own island in the Caribbean. The future is flying cars, buckos. You love April fools jokes even if they are tired, dumb and frankly annoying at this point.

Larry Page

You are the CEO of a few companies, but most important you are the CEO of fucking Amazon. In just a few decades you turned a profitless bookseller into a $1 trillion company that scares the shit out of everyone. During that same period of time, you turned your bookwormish self into a monument of swoleness ready for the next _Oceans 11_ movie. You like rockets and facial recognition software and automating jobs and, more recently, your "alive girl." You just pulled off one of the most badass CEO moves of all time by dropping a 900-pound shithammer on a publication that threatened to publish your dick pics.

Jeff Bezos

You are just starting your second act, after being booted from Uber for... well... there is a lot of material here. People describe you as "pugnacious," but you're really just a fun-loving brosephus brobronahhan brobalicious bro-bro mcbrosalot. You nicknamed your apartment the Jam Pad and yourself Tbones and called your conference room a war room and made a joke about "Boob-er" and cried at an all-hands. You are perhaps less "quirky" than "douchey" but either way you are still weird as hell.

Travis Kalanick

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