We've reached whatever stage of capitalism involves brands trying to talk like ~cool teens~ on social media.
Take, for example, this "bread bae" poll from Subway Canada that has exactly zero votes. Literally none.
The account has 135,000 followers. And yet, no votes.
Same with this poll inexplicably asking about your "Greek must have."
There was some speculation that Subway Canada put the poll up then went private. But the restaurant confirmed to BuzzFeed News that they never went into private mode.
There were really just zero votes.
Honestly it's pretty amazing.
135,000 people follow SubwayCanada and exactly zero of them voted on this poll. Maybe the most impressive thing I’ve ever seen https://t.co/fairlbyhTM
Other people noticed, and now the dead polls themselves are after-the-fact viral, with thousands of RTs and likes.
And now people are sassin' Subway and Subway is sassin' back.
It's possible that Subway Canada only ran the polls for a hot second so no one could vote, thereby priming themselves for the current attention.
It's all enough to make you want to just delete Twitter.
Whoever runs the Subway Canada account is having the best day of their career.
So what's sadder: the polls no one voted in, or Subway capitalizing on the attention thereafter?
Either way, rest easy knowing the sun will one day swallow the Earth whole.