She's not happy about what pushed her to do it, but Nikkie de Jager — better known on YouTube as NikkieTutorials — told Ellen DeGeneres she's thankful she came out as transgender.
"I’m not thankful to the person who did this," she said. "I am thankful that it happened now, and now I get to be free."
The beauty vlogger appeared on The Ellen DeGeneres Show on Wednesday to talk about coming out as transgender in a video posted last week. In the video, she revealed that someone was blackmailing her and threatening to out her to the public.
"A couple of weeks ago, I got emails from a certain person and he was not okay with the fact that I was ‘lying’ and wanted to expose that. So he had a very pressuring tone of voice and he was like, 'If we don’t get an answer by tomorrow, it’s out,'" she told DeGeneres.
"And I feel like his entire goal with this was to destroy my life, but plot twist: That didn’t happen," she said.
She cried as she uploaded the video but had her fiancé, Dylan Drossaers, by her side.
"He was like, 'You can do it, you can do it.' He really pushed me to post it and he was like, 'We’re going to get through this, you’re going to be okay, you’re going to do this,'" said de Jager.
Immediately after she posted the video, supportive messages started pouring in.
"I was so happy that it’s 2020 and the acceptance is real," she said.
She also told DeGeneres about growing up trans and how she was confused about her appearance and the clothes she wore. Ultimately, the support of her mom helped her start her transition.
"My mom is a queen. Mama Tutorials is a queen," said de Jager. "Even when we went to the hospital to see what was going on, doctors were like, 'You know, don’t push it too far; let’s see where it goes.' But then I came home and I was like, mom, I really want to wear girl clothes, and she was like, 'If you want to wear girl clothes, you’re going to wear them' even though doctors were like, 'You might want to wait with that a bit.'"
De Jager also called out her own privilege as someone who had the opportunity to transition at a young age.
"I want to take this opportunity to hopefully inspire a lot of transgender people out there, and even when you’re starting later on your journey, that we need to accept that," she said.
"It’s hard because I don’t know, it’s only been a week. I don’t know where this is going to go. I don’t know where I fit in this magical world. But as long as I get to be myself and inspire little Nikkies to be themselves, that’s all I can do," she said.