Mark Zuckerberg's Dog Has A Few Things To Say About Facebook's Stock
Beast told Mark he would've been a great CFO, and now look what happened.
Mark, you can't distract me with steak. We're down five points.
The market is a cruel mistress.
I've spent, like, five nights in a row investigating our derivatives. IT'S A DISASTER.
You want to know what would be a good birthday present? Help me unload 50% of my shares.
I can't even spend an hour at the gym without the clowns at Morgan Stanley calling me to solve some emergency.
Let's go chew out Cheryl Sandberg.
Not going to lie, I expected a little more from a guy who's worth $20 billion.
YOU THINK YOU COULD'VE HANDLED THE IPO BETTER? SAY THAT TO MY FURRY FACE.
The secret to a successful presentation to shareholders? Be clean.
My hair gets poofy when I'm stressed.
I haven't gotten up from my desk in 15 hours. Not even to pee.
Rub my belly and tell me how many shares I have.
If you need me, I'll be washing my paws of your IDIOCY.
Market-moving events make me hungry.
I still don't understand why Bernanke insisted I be neutered, but whatever.
No insider trading going on here. I promise.
Look at this face and tell me you don't think Facebook's a Buy.