Lol Nothing Matters

Namaste.

Newcastle beer is offering $1 each to new Twitter followers as a social campaign led by ad agency Droga5:

Follow Newcastle to get a check for one millionth of a million dollars, which is actually $1. http://t.co/I7jxS5s9Li http://t.co/Y3UdOebShE

The campaign is supposed to be funny and self-aware, like Newcastle's "non-Super Bowl ad" with Anna Kendrick. The campaign's video mentions how the company could've tried to do a proper social media campaign and then confesses, "it's summer and we want to go home." Har har. Funny brands making fun of the whole concept of advertising! Does it feel gross when #brands are trying be self-deprecating? Does it steam your clams just a little? Well, I don't even care because I'm floating lotus-style above it all on a different plane of yogi existence and nothing gets to me anymore.

I guess if you want to be $1 richer and have very little self-respect, go for it. I'm not the boss of you.

This is your Twitter, and you can do what you want on here. Follow brands if you want. Follow them just because of a promotion where they'll pay you a dollar. Retweet when some @TeenProblems account tweets "RT if parents just don't understand" or whatever. Manually retweet people. Complain about people manually retweeting. Recycle your own tweets, who cares.

Do that thing where you reply to someone but put their handle at the end of a tweet so that all your followers see the reply and are forced to click to expand to see the whole conversation, just so that everyone can see how awesomely you owned the person you were arguing with.

Syndicate your Instagrams to Twitter even though Instagrams don't display in-line with Twitter, and half the time the description text gets cut off because Instagram has a longer character limit than Twitter. See if I freaking care. I DON'T. THIS IS YOUR LIFE. LIVE IT.

Ask for followbacks. Put #TeamFollowback in your bio. Tweet NSFW links with no warnings. Do Tweetstorms. Tweet with one of those sad "tweet longer" apps that only celebrities use when issuing some crazy missive. Hashtag #random words. Tweetstorm like no one is watching.

This is a judgment free zone. Live your freaking life.

Uh oh.

Angry new followers, if you didn’t get a link it’s because we’re bad at technology. New DM coming soon. $1 check coming much, much later.

Speaking of judgement free zones, usually Twitter does care about buying followers schemes, but according to the agency, Twitter worked closely with Droga5 on this campaign and it doesn't violate Twitter's terms of service.

Follow your bliss.

This cat is you, right now, feeling zen as fuck:

Skip to footer