17 Cursed Gifts For Someone You Hate
There's no better way to say, "I don't really like you" than with these tech gifts!
1. Melania Trump's NFT
Excited for this new venture, which combines my passion for art and commitment to helping our Nation’s children fulfill their own unique American Dream. #MelaniaNFT https://t.co/XJN18tMllg
Isn't there someone in your life who you want to remind to "Be Best"? The former first lady's first big project after leaving office is an NFT of a drawing of her eyes. "A portion" of the proceeds of the sale go to an actual worthy cause — helping children who have just aged out of the foster system. Why an NFT? Idk, who knows. Somehow the right-wing social platform Parler is powering this.
2. Wall art of Elon Musk smoking a joint on Joe Rogan's podcast
This is the perfect gift for someone you want to make sure never, ever, has sex again.
3. Amazon Echo Frames smartglasses with Alexa
These aren't new — Amazon came out with the Echo Frames last year. They're basically dumb smartglasses. They don't show you anything in the lenses (they're just clear plastic, or you can get your prescription), so they're basically just a tiny Alexa speaker and mic on the stem near your ear. This means you can take calls, listen to music or podcasts (either through Bluetooth, similar to using AirPods), or say, "Alexa, play Gwar songs" or whatever.
The upside: It's actually quite nice to have audio playing near your ears but not in them, especially if you want to be a little more aware of your surroundings, like when taking a walk.
But these are unquestionably the ugliest frames I've ever put on my face — they made me look like Edward Snowden mixed with Dexter's Laboratory, but also somehow cross-eyed. I cannot fathom that anyone uses Alexa so much that they are willing to wear these monstrosities.
5. This Chris Cuomo shirt from eBay
This aged well!
6. A smart soap dispenser
amazon would like to hear what you're saying in the bathroom https://t.co/EB2tNuxE7I
What better gift to say, "I think you're an idiot and I don't like you" than a $55 smart soap dispenser?
7. A Cameo from Michael Cohen
For the reasonable price of $109.99!!!
8. Holiday-themed LuLaRoe leggings
Quality products, with such a great way to buy!
9. Ray-Ban Stories camera sunglasses from Facebook
Facebook and Ray-Ban came out this year with a pair of camera sunglasses that take photos and record with a tap. This is kind of cool, if you want to take some video or photos in the moment, sure! There's a small white light that indicates when you're recording, but as you can see in the photo above, you can just tape that over and go incognito.
A great gift for someone you want to see get kicked out of an Arby's bathroom!
10. Mark Zuckerberg's favorite BBQ sauce
The gift that says, "slather up some meat you bowhunted yourself and meet me in the metaverse!"
11. Official Jake Paul merch
Perfect for formal occasions, like parole hearings, getting kicked out of an Applebees, or Thanksgiving.
12. Apple-flavored ivermectin paste for horses
An apple (flavored ivermectin paste) a day keeps the COVID away (it doesn't)! (ALSO, DO NOT EAT THIS, THIS IS NOT SAFE FOR HUMANS.)
13. Signing up for the $3/month Twitter Blue subscription
You know when you see a really funny tweet and you're like "can't believe this site is free!"? Imagine if it wasn't free, and all you got out of it was... being able to change the color of the app icon on your phone. OK, technically it allows you to read BuzzFeed and other sites ad-free, which is nice tbh. But what a blow to someone's self esteem to admit they are willing to pay for Twitter.
14. $4.99/mo for FaceApp to Yassify Abe Lincoln
Worth every penny.
16. A "smart" chastity cage that can get hit with ransomware
Vice reported that a hacker got into a wifi-enabled chastity cage (basically, a thing that clamps around a penis, don't ask me to explain more) and demanded a Bitcoin ransom to unlock it. Thankfully, the guy wasn't actually wearing it at the time — it was just locked shut.
A great gift for that special someone in your life to let them know, hey — I'd pay ransom for your genitals.
17. BuzzFeed stock
Hey, "ride the dip" as they say! (THIS IS NOT FINANCIAL OR INVESTMENT ADVICE. PLEASE DO NOT ARREST ME, SEC, THIS IS A JOKE.)
