Sorry to Tim Apple, but I no longer care about the iPhone 14 being revealed tomorrow, because Chris Pine has a disposable camera and therefore I want one. Upgrades to an enhanced A15 chip? So what, this bad boy has a WWWRRRRRR noise when you turn on the flash! Rumored larger-size rear lenses and 48 megapixel wide camera system? Who cares! With this new one, you have to crouch down like Chris to use the viewfinder, how chic!
Our unbothered king appeared on the red carpet yesterday for the Don’t Worry Darling premiere at the Venice Film Festival, snapping pics of costar Florence Pugh with a drugstore disposable camera. (Note how pathetic Nick Kroll looks next to him using his *shudder* phone to take photos.)
If you have not been feverishly refreshing 9to5 Mac for the last two weeks instead of catching up with real news, there is dazzlingly delicious drama surrounding the press tour and release of the Olivia Wilde–directed thriller.
Rumors of tension between Wilde and Pugh, Wilde dating (or no longer dating?) star Harry Styles, an entire side quest with Shia LeBeouf. So when the cast finally had to get together for the red carpet, Pugh goofing off with costars Chris Pine and Nick Kroll while not acknowledging Styles or Wilde was, uh…absolutely intriguing.
But the real star for me? Chris Pine’s red disposable camera.
This whole Venice fiasco has turned Pine into something of a meme and cemented his place atop the Best Chris rankings. His stylish outfits, his relatable zoned-out look during a press conference, and his expression when it appeared that Harry Styles spit on him (something about 20% of the monthly active users on Elon Musk’s Twitter have been clamoring for Styles to do to them for years) — great, we all love it, we love him and his vibes.
But for me? It’s his camera. For years, the phrase “the best camera is the one you have in your pocket” has been meant to justify using your smartphone camera over a separate digital or film camera. No longer. I want a disposable camera where I won’t know what the photos look like until two weeks after I remember to take it to CVS. I want to be surprised when they come out shitty or hauntingly beautiful. I want my dear friend Florence to ask me to get doubles printed so I can give her copies.
Chris Pine famously had a flip phone instead of a smartphone until very recently. I don’t agree with him on this; smartphones are awesome. In a March 2022 interview, he admitted to upgrading to a “crack machine” and lamented that instead of reading books he was now up to date on the Kim Kardashian–Pete Davidson romance. I don’t care for boomer rhetoric about phones (or caring about Kim Kardashian) making you stupider — phones make you cooler and better and only geniuses care about Kim Kardashian.
I’ll happily keep my phone, thank you very much, Mr. Pine. I’ll keep it, but now that I so covet the disposable camera, I no longer am motivated to upgrade to an iPhone 14 just for the camera improvements. Consider me influenced.