Amazon Prime Day Is An Abomination

Happy holidays!

I love one thing and one thing only on planet Earth, and that's getting a deal. I freaking LOVE DEALS. I love a dollar store. I love a coupon code. I love a free shipping offer. I love T.J. Maxx.

You'd think I would be thrilled by Amazon's "Prime Day" — a newly minted midsummer sale extravaganza with deals that supposedly rival Black Friday's.

But I'm thrifty — not a piece of human shit. This is garbage bullshit and you can't fool me.

The trick to being "good" at shopping is to balance your insatiable ingrained consumerism with the competing lust for bargains. If you balance this incorrectly, you end up like the extreme couponers who buy 100 bottles of shampoo they don't even like just because it's on sale. You cannot allow yourself to be swayed into buying bad crap you don't like or need just because it's a good deal.

Amazon Prime Day is trying to trick you into buying bric-a-brac you don't want just because they're calling it a "day." All the stuff is terrible.

Rise above. Stay true to yourself and do not buy.

Here's why Amazon Prime Day is bullshit (if that's not already obvious):

1. The sale items are crap you'd never buy anyway.

2. Everyone immediately realized the deals stink.

3. The deals don't always work, due to what appear to be bugs on the site.

4. The really good deals vanished in seconds.

Amazon Prime deal went live that I had been waiting 20 or so minutes for. Not 10 seconds after it went live it was sold out

5. One of the best deals was a significantly discounted TV. But yet no one can seem to buy it, and people are PISSED.

Ummm….cause I stayed up so where is it? RT @amazon: Prime Day Deals: 40-inch 1080p LED TV for $115 #HappyPrimeDay

6. You only get the deals if you join Amazon Prime.

7. In conclusion:

Let's all pretend this abomination never happened and maybe this won't happen again next year.