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How Do I Make My Friend Stop Taking Creepshots Of Me?

You can either stand up or stand down. Plus, what to do with that Facebook update you weren't supposed to see.

Posted on February 22, 2013, at 3:11 p.m. ET

My friend is constantly taking creepshots of me on Snapchat or just the camera and posting them online, either on Instagram or on Facebook. (They're not inappropriate or anything, but still.) It is starting to get on my nerves. How do I get her to stop?

I've said it before, and I'll say it again: Taking/keeping pictures of someone who doesn't want you to take/keep them is one of the absolute weirdest, most annoying, meanest things we do to the people that are supposed to be our friends. It's also HILARIOUS, so, therein lies the problem. Ban cameras and videocameras and anything else that can make tangible our collective, embarrassing existence.

I think that if you are ACTUALLY mad at your friend, in a way where the creepshots make you uncomfortable and unhappy and resentful, you should have a Serious Sit Down Talk with her and tell her how you feel. Don't joke, or say, "This isn't a big deal," or apologize for being upset, because doing so will make her think you aren't all that bothered by it and she'll keep doing it because that's what she wants to do. Hopefully she will respect your request. If she doesn't, she isn't a good friend.

If, on the other hand, you don't care THAT much and are just a little irritated by the creepshotting, you should ignore it completely, because taking creepshots of a friend who doesn't care or engage it in anyway is just not that fun. Help this person find a new hobby.

John Herrman, frequent creepshot-ee.

John Herrman, frequent creepshot-ee.

A promoter who uses my website sent me a Facebook friendship request today, and since I don't want him reading my posts for obvious reasons — I prefer to only offend friends and family with my posts, not people who make me money — how do I tactfully reject a Facebook friendship request from a professional acquaintance and add him on LinkedIn instead?

This is an easy one: Just don't care. Who cares! Ha ha. Hey, that was easy.

The thing about friendship requests from strangers you don't see IRL is that they will probably never ask you why you haven't accepted their requests yet, because I think almost all of them know that doing so would make them seem like sad maniacs. So you ignore it rather than denying it outright, because then it just sits there and maybe he thinks you don't use Facebook much because you are so busy doing such a good job at your…job. That would be nice for you, if he happened to interpret these events in that exact way! But also it's maybe better if he just doesn't think about it. Which he probably won't, because you aren't a girl or a boy he is hoping to make out with. (Right?)

So while that request sits there for eternity, you can send him a LinkedIn request in its place. There's no need to acknowledge that this is an exchange. This person will accept you on LinkedIn, and the two of you can do whatever it is that LinkedIn friends do, and that's that.

I met a guy, we hooked up that night, he texted asking me to hang out, and then never responded to my response. I texted him a few days later about a hat he left at my house, he responded saying he was out of town, then I followed up with a snarky comment like, "Guess that's why I didn't hear back from you." I hadn't heard anything since (this was a week ago) and today I broke down and Facebook-stalked and learned that his dad died last week. Which, yeah, that's a pretty good reason to blow off that possibly crazy girl you just met. My question is: Am I allowed to do anything with this information? We aren't Facebook friends. My friends say to leave it alone and if he wants to see me again he'll be in touch. Which is probably true. BUT, I really liked him, and I feel terrible that his dad died and I want to apologize for being bitchy.

Ahhhh, omg. OMG. This is…mortifying! On all counts, really, and if I had been at the beach when I was reading your question (which I would never do because to be that close to a body of water with my very throw-able laptop and a general grudge against humanity would be a great mistake), I would have scooped a shovelful of sand over myself with each additional sentence of your question, just to try to get away. Is that what you've done? That's my main advice: Get underneath something (practically anything) for a little bit.

First of all, your friends are smart, so keep them. Don't text him, and DEFINITELY do not text him about his dead father. You don't really know him, and you didn't come by that information legitimately, so I am quite certain that there is no normal way for you to give him your condolences. I kind of think doing so would really be more about you than it would be about him. You want to express your sympathy — you have good intentions! — but you also want to get back on his good side so he'll want to go out again. Right? It's just not a good place to start a conversation from. He didn't share this personal news with you, so leave it alone.

But I don't want you to feel too bad about your snarky little text, because you just didn't know. You still don't know that's the exact reason he didn't respond, either. He might just not want to talk to you again, and if that's it, I'm sorry. Either way, you reacted honestly to being ignored — you called it out like you saw it — and that's OK. It's a shitty situation. But this is a guy you only met once, and for right now it seems that might be all there is. If he wants to get back to you, he will. OK? So just sit tight, and only come out when you're ready.

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