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How Trump 2016 Ends

Listen, it's definitely going to be one of these — which are jokes and not real, something I am just telling you now before you email me.

Last updated on July 3, 2018, at 1:23 p.m. ET

Posted on August 21, 2015, at 3:19 p.m. ET

How Trump ’16 ends: 1. He goes too far 2. He bows out bc he doesn’t want to be a loser 3. His support doesn’t = votes

4. He stops going far enough

5. He leaves the country

6. The country forgets to vote

7. He bows out because he is confronted with the reality that he will win

8. Hillary Clinton tells him he can stop running

9. He jumps into the Democratic primary

10. He is weakened, spiritually

11. His supporters turn on him for a reason that can’t yet be predicted

12. His supporters leave the country

13. His supporters are revealed to be, to their surprise, undocumented immigrants and therefore unable to vote, and we are also revealed to not be who we believe ourselves to be in both literal and figurative ways, as in the Twilight Zone movie — the one with John Lithgow — and as a freshman philosophy seminar-esque mass hysteria envelops the United States as we consider what identity actually means, the election is postponed

14. His organization struggles to meet the existing requirements to get him on the ballot in various states

15. State Republican Parties begin changing rules to make it more difficult for him to appear on the ballot in various states

16. A tiger eats him

17. Tigers eat most living Republicans

18. The tigers nominate John Kasich