Here's Why You Should Stay Home On Black Friday

IT'S A SCAM. And it will make you sad. Also: leftovers.

Guys, it's almost Thanksgiving

Which for most of us means it's time to get ready for plenty of this

But for some of you, it's all about this

Black Friday, the biggest shopping day of the year

On Monday, there were already people camping out in front of stores

Hundreds of them, across the country


Because of deals like this

I mean come on, that TV is HUGE


But if you're thinking about shopping on Friday, STOP. Settle down. Let me explain something to you.

First of all, Black Friday will make you sad

And tired

And trigger a deep and lasting depression

Going to a big box store is always a bummer. On Friday, it will be the biggest bummer. The only thing that's REALLY on sale is sadness, and they never run out of stock:

Worse yet, Black Friday can be dangerous. People get hurt:

In 2008, a man was trampled to death at Walmart. This is horrifying.

Nobody's safety is worth risking for this

Of course, most shoppers' Black Friday experiences won't be dangerous, just hectic and stressful

But still, STAY HOME. Black Friday is a SCAM

And a SHAM

And most Black Friday deals aren't really deals at all

First, a lot of the "doorbusters" are off-brands:

And to get any of the decent-looking deals, you have to show up at an ungodly hour

Wait, just a sec. Look closer


ZOOM.... SHARPEN........ ENHANCE......


But it's worse than that. Data suggests that even the good deals aren't that good:

The best times to buy, according to Decide:

-Laptops: Mid-December is the best time to buy during the holiday season.

-TVs: To get the lowest price on a TV, the best time to buy is the week leading up to Black Friday.

-Cameras: From point-and-shoots to more sophisticated models for professional photographers, the best time to buy is before Black Friday.

Also, like, this is NOT how you should buy electronics

The things you need — TVs, laptops, tablets, phones — are important purchases that you should think about a lot

You're stuck with your phone for two years, and your laptop for even longer. Tablets are getting cheaper every day, and the best stuff, from brands like Apple and Google and Microsoft and Amazon, isn't any cheaper on Black Friday.

TVs are ALWAYS cheap, and there are much more important things to consider than whether or not you'll save $50. Like, for example, how that giant TV will look in your living room for the next five years.

Try the Wirecutter for up-to-date recommendations on the things you should buy.

It's just not worth it. At best, you'll end up with a bunch of stuff you don't really need, purchased for slightly lower than list, and a headache.

(You, on Friday afternoon)

And I haven't even gotten to the opportunity costs yet. For example, Black Friday is the day after Thanksgiving. Which means LEFTOVERS

Camping out at a store to score a deal on a USB stick or whatever means you'll be missing this


So don't leave the house. Maybe read a book

Get some rest

Watch some crappy TV

Or, jeez, just spend some time with your grandma. She misses you!

I mean, listen. You have the day off. USE YOUR IMAGINATION

And remember: Black Friday doesn't need you

And you don't need Black Friday

So, whatever you do, PLEASE, please, please don't let this be you. You deserve better. We all do.

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