Oh look! Bagels!
You know, the Jewish American breakfast staple with a slice right down the middle, often topped with lox and cream cheese. Yum!
But wait...what is...THIS:
Today I introduced my coworkers to the St Louis secret of ordering bagels bread sliced. It was a hit!
A style of slicing bagels as you would a loaf of bread — aka bread-sliced — has caused OUTRAGE among a lot of people this week. (Ok, so not real outrage, but, like, bread outrage.)
The drama all started when Alek Krautmann, a St. Louis native and employee of the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration, tweeted a photo Monday of a box of Panera bagels looking like they’d gone through a paper shredder.
“Today I introduced my coworkers to the St. Louis secret of ordering bagels bread sliced,” he tweeted. “It was a hit!”
Here’s one we recreated ourselves with a knife (not a fancy slicer) so you can see this mess in all its glory:
While Krautmann’s bagels may have been a hit with his colleagues (ALLEGEDLY), they were not so popular with a bunch of other people.
I'm going to lose my fucking mind this should be a goddamn felony why the FUCK would you do THIS I'm literally furious and I want to call the fucking SWAT team https://t.co/zs5pmXVxfa
Some people were deeply offended.
I believe this is a Class A felony in New York City. And if its not, it should be. https://t.co/ngbbPFvnya
is this anti-semitism because it sure feels like it https://t.co/7hbFUn0hgx
And people were going around straight up canceling St. Louis.
We regret to inform you that St. Louis is cancelled. https://t.co/XSlhL1sN2G
sell st. louis back to france https://t.co/DTDYNRd8eJ
Still, some people from St. Louis are adamantly defending the practice, which is most popular at Panera (aka St. Louis Bread Company, as it’s known in its founding city).
Can confirm. No one has ever eaten an entire cinnamon crunch bagel from St. Louis Bread Company (or "Panera" for you other folk). It must be bread-sliced and shared. Justice for bread-sliced chocolate chip bagels, too. I stand by this tweet. https://t.co/k4BOrmlch2
And Panera itself said it’s divided over the issue.
Our team is divided over here. Do other people slice their bagel Bread Co style? https://t.co/NbdZjj6G6C
Naturally, as a proud bagel eater/Jew/New Yorker/journalist (these are all synonyms), I did what I had to do: I talked to some people who’ve worked at Panera in St. Louis.
Andrea Lanning, 25, explained that Panera locations there all have automatic bread slicers for this very purpose, which she said makes it “easy to dip in cream cheese or butter or just snack on in smaller bites.”
“Bread-sliced was the most popular way to prepare the bagels at the Bread Company!” Lanning said.
get your bagels bread sliced at panera so you can dip it in the cream cheese while you’re in the car
Jenna Jones, 20, recounted the painful memory of one Mother’s Day when a customer ordered 169 bagels — all bread-sliced.
“I think it was the worst day of my life and one girl had a mental breakdown when she was helping me,” Jones said.
smile thru the pain especially when ppl order 18 bagels bread sliced 😊😊😊😊
Bread-slicing, though popular, can be quite a nuisance to Panera employees, as many of them have complained over the years. Just look at these *vintage* tweets I uncovered:
@PaneraProbz *after cleaning the bread slicer* Customer: can I get a bagel pack of cinnamon crunch bread sliced! Me: 😤
I could seriously punch people who come in and order a dozen and a half bagels all bread sliced. 😠👊
Highlight of my day: woman who ordered 4 dozen bagels at our busiest time of day and wanted them ALL bread sliced. #callaheadbitch
Despite her familiarity with bread-slicing, Jones is still confused about why it’s even a thing.
“It doesn’t even taste better?? Like, it tastes the same, I think it’s just a matter of convenience??” she said.
“I want names of who bread-sliced the first bagel,” she said. “So if you find out, let me know.”
So, are you a bread-slicer? Traditionalist? Let’s start some arguments in the comments, people.