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Do You Know Which President Cracked These Jokes?

Even the commander-in-chief has time for a little fun.

Posted on October 22, 2014, at 4:08 p.m. ET

Running the world's most powerful country is a serious job. But, every once in a while, a U.S. president manages to crack a halfway-decent joke. BuzzFeed News combed through thousands of presidential news-conference transcripts in search of these diamonds in the rough. Can you guess who told the jokes below?

  1. 1. Who said senators can't shut up?

    The Senate is always entitled to conversation. That's one of the reasons for the existence of the Senate. [...] I have been a Senator, and I know what it means for a Senator not to be able to say what he pleases.

  2. 2. Who realized it's hard to please everyone?

    I think one of the characteristics of some liberals is that they are very difficult to please. And when some of the groups make a list of things that they want, if they get 95 percent of what they want they can only remember the other 5 percent.

  3. 3. Who needed a buddy in D.C.?

    You know, President Truman said if you want a friend in Washington you need to get a dog.

  4. 4. Who failed to reel in the press?

    First of all, I have been trying to tame our press corps ever since I got into politics, and I've failed miserably. They get to express their opinions, sometimes in the form of news — any way they want to.

  5. 5. Who had help from our friends up North?

    I want to also, by the way, thank some of the Canadians who came over the border to campaign for me during the election. [...] And I'm looking forward to coming back to Canada as soon as it warms up.

  6. 6. Who didn't want to eat his broccoli?

    Now, look, this is the last statement I'm going to have on broccoli. There are truckloads of broccoli at this very minute descending on Washington. My family is divided. I do not like broccoli. And I haven't liked it since I was a little kid, and my mother made me eat it. And I'm President of the United States, and I'm not going to eat any more broccoli.

  7. 7. Who was worried about our bushy-tailed constituents?

    Well, I'll tell you: I think first you ought to interview the squirrels and find out if anybody is unhappy. I don't see any reason for producing another pressure group until we find out they are really unhappy, with a freedom I would personally dearly love.

  8. 8. Who needed a genie to pop out of his magic lamp?

    If I had three wishes, I would wish for the crime bill to pass — one; I would wish that I would make more progress on the way we do things around here as well as on the substance, because if we can open our minds and hearts to each other and play a little less politics, we can solve the health care problem, too, and other things. And I would wish that I won't have to give up my whole vacation because I still have dreams of breaking 80 on the golf course before I'm 50.

A BuzzFeed News investigation, in partnership with the International Consortium of Investigative Journalists, based on thousands of documents the government didn't want you to see.