The Bizarre And Horrifying Autobiography Of A Mass Shooter
"This is the story of how I, Elliot Rodger, came to be. This is the story of my entire life. It is a dark story of sadness, anger, and hatred. It is a story of a war against cruel injustice," says the document attributed to the shooter. Warning: Graphic and disturbing content.
Elliot Rodger went on a killing spree Friday night near the University of California, Santa Barbara, police say. When it was over, seven people including Rodger were dead and 13 others injured.
In the aftermath, a 141-page document surfaced that appears to be Rodger's story in his own words. The document is called "My Twisted World: The Story of Elliot Rodger."
It's a meticulously detailed document of Rodger's life, and an astonishingly disturbing one; in the handful of passages below, Rodger becomes increasingly violent, misogynistic, and vengeful.
So a word of warning: This content is graphic.
Rodger's parents divorced when he was 7 years old, after which his father "acquired" a new girlfriend.
Page 9: "I remember crying. All the happy times I spent with my mother and father as a family were gone, only to remain in memory."
Page 11: "Because of my father's acquisition of a new girlfriend, my little mind got the impression that my father was a man that women found attractive..."
He spent a lot of time thinking about and envying "cool" and "popular" kids.
A recurring theme in the document is Rodger's feelings of intimidation from kids he perceived as "cooler" than him. He also felt intimated by more popular kids and resented being labeled "weird."
By the time Rodger was 15 years old, he apparently had a break down and didn't go to school for a month. Afterward, he went to a continuation school that allowed him to spend more time at home. "All I wanted to do was hide away from the cruel world by playing my online games, and Independence High School gave me the perfect opportunity to do just that" (Page 49).
Rodger goes into great detail about the media he enjoyed.
Rodger spent much of his time playing World of Warcraft online, which for him was a way to temporarily fill "the social void." At various points he also enjoyed Game of Thrones, both the books and the TV show, Star Wars, and Pokemon.
Later, when college life turned out to be more difficult and lonely than he had hoped, he returned to World of Warcraft.
At 17, Rodger "formed an ideology."
After his father's feature film failed financially, Rodger wrote that he was "fueled both by my desire to destroy all of the injustices of the world, and to exact revenge on everyone I envy and hate. I decided that my destiny in life is to rise to power so I can impose my ideology on the world and set everything right" (Page 57).
And later: "My hatred for people who have sex festered inside me like a plague."
Rodger and his parents decided he would go to Santa Barbara when he was 19 years old, though by then he had already been fixating on the city.
Page 77: "It was all because I watched that movie Alpha Dog. The movie had a profound effect on me, because it depicted lots of good looking young people enjoying pleasurable sex lives. I thought about it for many months afterward, and I constantly read about the story online. I found out that it took place in Santa Barbara, which prompted me to read about college life in Santa Barbara. I found about Isla Vista, the small town adjacent to UCSB where all of the college students live and have parties. When I found out about this, I had the desperate hope that if I moved to that town I would be able to live that life too. That was the life I wanted. A life of pleasure and sex."
And later, from Page 81: "I was desperate to have the life I know I deserve; a life of being wanted by attractive girls, a life of sex and love. Other men are able to have such a life... so why not me? I deserve it! I am magnificent, no matter how much the world treated me otherwise. I am destined for great things."
He hated women more and more as time went on and blamed them for his unhappiness.
Page 82: "It was society's fault for rejecting me. It was women's fault for refusing to have sex with me."
Page 94: "I needed a girl's love. I needed to feel worthy as a male. For so long I have felt worthless, and it's all girls' fault. No girl wanted to be my girlfriend."
Page 117: "I concluded that women are flawed. There is something mentally wrong with the way their brains are wired, as if they haven't evolved from animal-like thinking. They are incapable of reason or thinking rationally. They are like animals, completely controlled by their primal, depraved emotions and impulses. That is why they are attracted to barbaric, animal-like men. They are beasts themselves. Beasts should not be able to have rights in a civilized society."
Page 124: "...women's rejection of me was a declaration of war."
Page 135: "The ultimate evil behind sexuality is the human female." And later on that same page: "Women are like a plague. They don't deserve to have any rights. Their wickedness must be contained in order [to] prevent future generations from falling into degeneracy. Women are vicious, evil, barbaric animals, and they need to be treated as such." He goes onto outline a plan in which he would starve all women to death in a concentration camp.
He was a racist.
Despite high hopes for a new life in Santa Barbara, he quickly became "traumatized" when he perceived others having the kind of active sex life he wanted. Then he met a friend of his roommates named "Chance."
Page 84: "How could an inferior, ugly black boy be able to get a white girl and not me? I am beautiful, and I am half white myself. I am descended from British aristocracy. He is descended from slaves.
Rodger also described Chance as "ugly black filth" and "filthy scum."
Also, from page 87: "How could an inferior Mexican guy be able to date a white blond girl, while I was still suffering as a lonely virgin?"
He obsessed about being wealthy and winning the lottery.
Rodger bought lottery tickets on several occasions and saw winning as "the only way out." While in college he also began wearing designer clothing and seemed confused and angry that the women he found attractive still apparently preferred other men. In 2012, he felt that he needed to "become wealthy at a young age" in order to attract women. And barring that, he planned to "exact revenge" (Page 111).
His first act of violence was splashing coffee on a couple he saw kissing, but it lead to a much darker realization. And more violence.
Page 87: "I wanted to do horrible things to that couple. I wanted to inflict pain on all young couples. It was around this point in my life that I realized I was capable of doing such things. I would happily do such things. I was capable of killing them, and I wanted to. I wanted to kill them slowly, to strip the skins off their flesh. They deserve it. The males deserve it for taking the females away from me, and the females deserve it for for choosing those males instead of me."
Later, he followed another couple and poured iced tea on them. From page 88: "At least I made some effort to fight back against the injustice."
At another point, Rodger poured a Starbucks latte on "two hot blonde girls" because they didn't smile back at him. Page 100: "They deserved the punishment I gave them. It was such a pity that my latte wasn't hot enough to burn them. Those girls deserved to be dumped in boiling water for the crime of not giving me the attention and adoration I rightly deserve!"
In 2012, he saw a group of "popular college kids" at a park and became enraged. He then went to the store, bought a super soaker water gun, filled it with orange juice, and returned and sprayed the group. Page 107: "I was giddy with ecstatic, hate-fueled excitement. I wished I could spray boiling oil at the foul beasts. They deserved to die horrible, painful deaths just for the crime of enjoying a better life than me."
He came up with a "final solution," which he called his "Day of Retribution."
Page 119: "The Day of Retribution is mainly my war against women for rejecting me and depriving me of sex and love."
Page 101: "It would be a day in which I exact my ultimate retribution and revenge on all of the hedonistic scum who enjoyed lives of pleasure that they don't deserve. If I can't have it, I will destroy it. I will destroy all women because I can never have them. I will make them suffer for rejecting me. I will arm myself with deadly weapons and wage a war against all women and the men they are attracted to. And I will slaughter them like the animals they are."
Rodger realized the "Day of Retribution" was possible after he dropped his college classes in the spring of 2012.
Preparation for the attack began in later 2012 when he visited Goleta Gun and Supply and bought a Glock 34. Page 113: "I was armed now. Who's the alpha male now, bitches?"
He planned to use his father's Mercedes during his attack because in Isla Vista on weekend nights the streets were always filled with people who "would be easy targets" (Page 126).
Rodger also wanted to kill his brother and stepmother, but decided to carry out his attack when his father was out of the country because it "would be too risky to try to kill him. I might hesitate at the last second" (Page 128).
Rodger saw himself as "like a god."
Page 117: "I am like a god, and my purpose is to exact ultimate Retribution on all of the impulses I see in the world."
In a drunken rage he once tried to push people off a 10-foot ledge.
In 2013, Rodger went to a party but became angry while watching people he envied. He pointed his finger at the partygoers and pretended to shoot them, then later tried to push them off a ledge. Page 122: "My main target was the girls. I wanted to punish them for talking to obnoxious boys instead of me."
Rodger claims the night ended with a group of "brutes" beating him in a driveway. He also ended up with a broken leg because he was the only person to fall from the ledge.
Rodger carefully planned his attack, which he initially thought would happen April 26.
He initially planned his "Day of Retribution" for November 2013, then later considered Valentine's Day 2014. He abandoned that plan, however, because he believed there would be more police out and that they would be able to stop him.
Eventually he settled on April 26. As the date grew nearer, he decided he needed two more guns. He also decided to sneak into the Alphi Phi sorority house at 9 p.m. and "slaughter every single one of them with my guns and knives."
When he finished killing the women at the sorority house, he planned to drive away before the police arrived, "splattering as many of my enemies as I can with the SUV, and shooting anyone I don't splatter."
The final phase was to be an "ultimate showdown in streets of Isla Vista" and he planned to kill himself by taking Xanax and Vicodin pills before shooting himself in the head simultaneously with two handguns (Page 132).
He eventually postponed his attack because he came down with a cold.
He uploaded a series of YouTube videos "to express my views and feelings to the world."
Page 133: "In the video, I show that I am the perfect, magnificent gentleman, worthy of having a beautiful girlfriend."