29 Glorious Takedowns Of #SafetyTipsForLadies
Twitter users are taking on the depressing topic of women's safety tips and flipping it into absurdist realtalk with the hashtag #SafetyTipsForLadies.
1.
Most rapists are people, so consider only befriending animals and ghosts #safetytipsforladies
Most rapists are people, so consider only befriending animals and ghosts #safetytipsforladies-- Kim
2.
If you are attacked, go Super Saiyajin. Your pubic hair will go blonde & spiky and shred his boyparts. #safetytipsforladies
If you are attacked, go Super Saiyajin. Your pubic hair will go blonde & spiky and shred his boyparts. #safetytipsforladies-- N. K. Jemisin
3.
Learn to clone dinosaurs so you can ride a T-rex everywhere you go. #safetytipsforladies
Learn to clone dinosaurs so you can ride a T-rex everywhere you go. #safetytipsforladies-- Louisa
4.
When going anywhere alone, set yourself on fire. Remember: They can't rape you if you're on fire. #safetytipsforladies
When going anywhere alone, set yourself on fire. Remember: They can't rape you if you're on fire. #safetytipsforladies-- RamenKing
5.
Store Legos in your vagina w/a quick release mechanism so you can drop them like caltrops as you run away. #safetytipsforladies
Store Legos in your vagina w/a quick release mechanism so you can drop them like caltrops as you run away. #safetytipsforladies-- Godless Grrl
6.
#safetytipsforladies coat yrself in mayonnaise and sit in the sun. rapists are instantly confused + repelled also it is v good for your hair
#safetytipsforladies coat yrself in mayonnaise and sit in the sun. rapists are instantly confused + repelled also it is v good for your hair-- Emily Shannon
7.
Only go outside when absolutely necessary. Who needs education, work, food or friends? #safetytipsforladies
Only go outside when absolutely necessary. Who needs education, work, food or friends? #safetytipsforladies-- Mikki Kendall
8.
Most rapists can't fly, so use your firebolt to commute to work/ school every day. #safetytipsforladies #nerdyhumor
Most rapists can't fly, so use your firebolt to commute to work/ school every day. #safetytipsforladies #nerdyhumor-- HirnundSieb
9.
Remove your vagina. Carry it in your purse. #safetytipsforladies
Remove your vagina. Carry it in your purse. #safetytipsforladies-- The Comeback Kid.
10.
spend 10 years living in isolation on a snowy mountain w a reclusive kung fu master, perfecting the art. use as needed. #safetytipsforladies
spend 10 years living in isolation on a snowy mountain w a reclusive kung fu master, perfecting the art. use as needed. #safetytipsforladies-- Brokey McPoverty
11.
Instead of running, begin singing Sonny and Cher songs. The rapist will have no choice but to engage in a duet instead #safetytipsforladies
Instead of running, begin singing Sonny and Cher songs. The rapist will have no choice but to engage in a duet instead #safetytipsforladies-- Kelsey Gamble
12.
if necessary, transform your vagina into nick fury. the eyepatch will confuse the hell out of rapists. run for it! #safetytipsforladies
if necessary, transform your vagina into nick fury. the eyepatch will confuse the hell out of rapists. run for it! #safetytipsforladies-- My Little Uruk-Hai
13.
Turn just right during a solar eclipse and slip sideways into a parallel dimension where people value consent. #safetytipsforladies
Turn just right during a solar eclipse and slip sideways into a parallel dimension where people value consent. #safetytipsforladies-- Louisa
14.
Consider wearing a bodysuit of live chameleons at all times, in order to blend in to your surroundings #safetytipsforladies
Consider wearing a bodysuit of live chameleons at all times, in order to blend in to your surroundings #safetytipsforladies-- Mail Ssinnigcm
15.
Consider splicing your genes with those of a pufferfish so that you expand with spikiness whenever a rapist comes near #safetytipsforladies
Consider splicing your genes with those of a pufferfish so that you expand with spikiness whenever a rapist comes near #safetytipsforladies-- Kim
16.
Have yourself laminated. Sure it's suffocating, but really, you must do your bit to prevent being assaulted #safetytipsforladies
Have yourself laminated. Sure it's suffocating, but really, you must do your bit to prevent being assaulted #safetytipsforladies-- Lady Parts
17.
if necessary, transform your vagina into a black hole with red matter. #safetytipsforladies #meta
if necessary, transform your vagina into a black hole with red matter. #safetytipsforladies #meta-- My Little Uruk-Hai
18.
Do you have soft, fleshy limbs? Statistically, robots are less likely to be assaulted. Consider becoming a Terminator. #safetytipsforladies
Do you have soft, fleshy limbs? Statistically, robots are less likely to be assaulted. Consider becoming a Terminator. #safetytipsforladies-- Hilary Bowman-Smart
19.
Unconsciousness is alluring to rapists. Have you considered being perpetually awake? Approach Red Bull for sponsorship #safetytipsforladies
Unconsciousness is alluring to rapists. Have you considered being perpetually awake? Approach Red Bull for sponsorship #safetytipsforladies-- Lady Parts
20.
If you hide your forearms in your sleeves, the rapist will mistake you for a T-Rex and carry on his way #safetytipsforladies
If you hide your forearms in your sleeves, the rapist will mistake you for a T-Rex and carry on his way #safetytipsforladies-- Hilary Bowman-Smart
21.
Cover yourself in grease at all times, in case you need to make a quick getaway and by sliding to safety #safetytipsforladies
Cover yourself in grease at all times, in case you need to make a quick getaway and by sliding to safety #safetytipsforladies-- Kelsey Gamble
22.
Disguise yourself as a tumbleweed when travelling. You will confuse rapists into thinking no one's around. #safetytipsforladies
Disguise yourself as a tumbleweed when travelling. You will confuse rapists into thinking no one's around. #safetytipsforladies-- Leigh Harris
23.
Pour honey on yourself and roll in bird seed. Birds will then flock to form an impenetrable barrier to rapists #safetytipsforladies
Pour honey on yourself and roll in bird seed. Birds will then flock to form an impenetrable barrier to rapists #safetytipsforladies-- Hilary Bowman-Smart
24.
It's well known that rapists have evil background music accompaniment, so keep your ears open and listen! #safetytipsforladies
It's well known that rapists have evil background music accompaniment, so keep your ears open and listen! #safetytipsforladies-- ASSHOLE WIZARD GIRLâ„¢
25.
#safetytipsforladies at parties wear a fashionable suit of armor that can only be removed using wire cutters
#safetytipsforladies at parties wear a fashionable suit of armor that can only be removed using wire cutters-- Shaylee
26.
just kill everybody before they have a chance to attack you. #safetytipsforladies
just kill everybody before they have a chance to attack you. #safetytipsforladies-- Brokey McPoverty
27.
Rapists find it difficult to rape while made of stone. Try becoming Medusa, or if that is too difficult, a basilisk. #safetytipsforladies
Rapists find it difficult to rape while made of stone. Try becoming Medusa, or if that is too difficult, a basilisk. #safetytipsforladies-- John Rice-Whetton
28.
The majority of rapists are known to the victim. Consider not knowing any men. #safetytipsforladies
The majority of rapists are known to the victim. Consider not knowing any men. #safetytipsforladies-- Kate Wood
29.
Stop being a woman in public. #safetytipsforladies
Stop being a woman in public. #safetytipsforladies-- Mikki Kendall
All credit goes to @hilaryjfb for starting the hashtag. Read more about the backstory here.
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heben@buzzfeed.com
Contact Heben Nigatu at heben@buzzfeed.com.
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