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These Pictures Show Why It's Kind Of Hard To Take Military Parades Seriously
Trump wants a huge military parade in DC because...reasons?
President Donald Trump was absolutely wowed last year when he attended France's military parade to celebrate Bastille Day and promptly determined that it was just the sort of display the US needed.
BuzzFeed News confirmed on Tuesday night that planning is underway at the Department of Defense to make Trump's military march dreams a reality.
It's been a minute since the last military parade took place in Washington: a National Victory Celebration was held in 1991 after the end of the Gulf War, a little affair that cost $12 million, including $7 million in taxpayer money.
Having been so long, it's entirely possible the Pentagon has gotten a little rusty at planning them. You can't just slap a few tanks on the street and call it a day.
A look around the world at other military parades shows you have to consider all kind of important things, like what kinds of fancy hats do you want the soldiers to wear?
Do you want scary motorcycle riders or FABULOUS motorcycle riders?
And what's the goal of the whole thing? To project fear, like North Korea does when it rolls out the ICBMs with new and improved launchers?
To relive the glory days like Russia when it celebrates the end of World War II in Red Square every year?
To ward off a neighbor deemed to be a threat, like in Pakistan?
Or to just earn some more points toward earning Sephora's VIB Rouge status and show off your painting skills?
Do you have an all-woman unit you want to show off marching together?
And you can't just think of the ground: You have to think about what's happening in the air the whole time too, especially if you want to have people in a controlled plummet land on the parade route.
You have to decide if you want animals to take part in the extremely weird meeting of "we want to show we're good at war" and "I hope there's funnel cake at this street fair."
(Especially if there are going to be puppies.)
Military parades are definitely good at one thing: showing off proudly how well your country's armed forces can walk and/or drive in a straight line. Congratulations, everyone.