These Pictures Show Why It's Kind Of Hard To Take Military Parades Seriously

Trump wants a huge military parade in DC because...reasons?

President Donald Trump was absolutely wowed last year when he attended France's military parade to celebrate Bastille Day and promptly determined that it was just the sort of display the US needed.

Christophe Archambault / AFP / Getty Images

Kind of an odd choice, considering everyone knows that the US has an insane amount more military hardware than any other country on Earth, but whatever.

BuzzFeed News confirmed on Tuesday night that planning is underway at the Department of Defense to make Trump's military march dreams a reality.

Thierry Chesnot / Getty Images

It's been a minute since the last military parade took place in Washington: a National Victory Celebration was held in 1991 after the end of the Gulf War, a little affair that cost $12 million, including $7 million in taxpayer money.

View this video on YouTube

But that was a different time! The US had just won its first war after the Cold War had ended and everyone was hopped up on whatever was in the water in the early 1990s that made people think Day-Glo was a thing.

Having been so long, it's entirely possible the Pentagon has gotten a little rusty at planning them. You can't just slap a few tanks on the street and call it a day.

Tatyana Makeyeva / Reuters

These Russian T-90 tanks marking the 75th anniversary of the battle of Stalingrad are ~fine~ or whatever. But DC's streets aren't really built for tanks, so it's tough to see how they'd really work out.

A look around the world at other military parades shows you have to consider all kind of important things, like what kinds of fancy hats do you want the soldiers to wear?

Prakash Singh / AFP / Getty Images, Pablo Blazquez Dominguez / Getty Images, Kenzo Tribouillard / AFP / Getty Images

Do you want scary motorcycle riders or FABULOUS motorcycle riders?

Ishara S. Kodikara / AFP / Getty Images, Adnan Abidi / Reuters

And what's the goal of the whole thing? To project fear, like North Korea does when it rolls out the ICBMs with new and improved launchers?

Damir Sagolj / Reuters

To relive the glory days like Russia when it celebrates the end of World War II in Red Square every year?

Alexander Zemlianichenko / AP

To ward off a neighbor deemed to be a threat, like in Pakistan?

Anjum Naveed / AP

Or to just earn some more points toward earning Sephora's VIB Rouge status and show off your painting skills?

Mohamed Azakir / Reuters, Karel Navarro / AP, Afp / AFP / Getty Images

Do you have an all-woman unit you want to show off marching together?

Anjum Naveed / AP, Wong Maye-e / AP, Hoang Dinh Nam / AFP / Getty Images

And you can't just think of the ground: You have to think about what's happening in the air the whole time too, especially if you want to have people in a controlled plummet land on the parade route.

Carlos Garcia Rawlins / Reuters, Ivan Sekretarev / AP

You have to decide if you want animals to take part in the extremely weird meeting of "we want to show we're good at war" and "I hope there's funnel cake at this street fair."

Afp / AFP / Getty Images, Pablo Blazquez Dominguez / Getty Images, Eric Feferberg / AP

(Especially if there are going to be puppies.)

If there's going to be a military parade in DC, just throwing out there that Chile's parada militar features puppies

Military parades are definitely good at one thing: showing off proudly how well your country's armed forces can walk and/or drive in a straight line. Congratulations, everyone.

Thierry Chesnot / Getty Images, Hussein Malla / AP, Norberto Duarte / AFP / Getty Images