The Greatest Hits From Michele Bachmann's Marriage Vow

Excerpts from the document signed by Michele Bachmann that's drawing allegations of racism, sexism, homophobia, anti-Islamic sentiment and general cuckoo bananas whackadoodie. It's a pledge from a conservative advocacy group out of Iowa called The Family Leader--affiliated with Focus on the Family--asking Republican presidential candidates to denounce single parents, women in combat and anything with even the faintest whiff of gay. Oh, and it seems to be wistful for the days of slavery. If none of that frightens you, it also essentially calls for a ban of all pornography. Michele Bachmann was the first of the GOP field to apply her Hancock. Here are some select passages from The Marriage Vow, along with photos of its earliest and most enthusiastic signatory.

By
Gavon Laessig
by Gavon Laessig

BuzzFeed News Reporter

  • Faithful monogamy is at the very heart of a designed and purposeful order--as conveyed by Jewish and Christian Scripture, by Classical Philosophers, by Natural Law, and by the American Founders--upon which our concepts of Creator-endowed human rights, racial justice and gender equality all depend.

    Faithful monogamy is at the very heart of a designed and purposeful order--as conveyed by Jewish and Christian Scripture, by Classical Philosophers, by Natural Law, and by the American Founders--upon which our concepts of Creator-endowed human rights, racial justice and gender equality all depend.

    (AP Photo/The Star Tribune, Jim Gehrz)

  • Enduring marital fidelity between one man and one woman protects innocent children, vulnerable women, the rights of fathers, the stability of families, and the liberties of all American citizens under our republican form of government.

    Enduring marital fidelity between one man and one woman protects innocent children, vulnerable women, the rights of fathers, the stability of families, and the liberties of all American citizens under our republican form of government.

    (AP Photo/The Star Tribune, Jim Gehrz)

  • Our exceptional and free society simply cannot endure without the transmission of personal virtue, from one generation to the next, by means of nurturing, nuclear families comprised of sexually-faithful husbands and wives, fathers and mothers.

    Our exceptional and free society simply cannot endure without the transmission of personal virtue, from one generation to the next, by means of nurturing, nuclear families comprised of sexually-faithful husbands and wives, fathers and mothers.

    (AP Photo/The Star Tribune, Jim Gehrz)

  • Slavery had a disastrous impact on African-American families, yet sadly a child born into slavery in 1860 was more likely to be raised by his mother and father in a two-parent household than was an African- American baby born after the election of the USA's first African-American President

    Slavery had a disastrous impact on African-American families, yet sadly a child born into slavery in 1860 was more likely to be raised by his mother and father in a two-parent household than was an African- American baby born after the election of the USA's first African-American President

    (AP Photo/Patrick Semansky, File)

  • LBJ's 1965 War on Poverty was triggered in part by the famous Moynihan Report finding that the black out-of-wedlock birthrate had hit 26%; today, the white rate exceeds that, the overall rate is 41%, and over 70% of African-American babies are born to single parents--a prime sociological indicator for poverty, pathology and prison regardless of race or ethnicity.

    LBJ's 1965 War on Poverty was triggered in part by the famous Moynihan Report finding that the black out-of-wedlock birthrate had hit 26%; today, the white rate exceeds that, the overall rate is 41%, and over 70% of African-American babies are born to single parents--a prime sociological indicator for poverty, pathology and prison regardless of race or ethnicity.

    (AP Photo/CBS, Chris Usher)

  • Social protections, especially for women and children, have been evaporating as we have collectively "debased the currency" of marriage.

    Social protections, especially for women and children, have been evaporating as we have collectively "debased the currency" of marriage.

    (AP Photo/Charlie Riedel)

  • This debasement continues as a function of adultery; "quickie divorce;" physical and verbal spousal abuse; non-committal co-habitation; pervasive infidelity and unwed cheating among celebrities, sports figures and politicians...

    This debasement continues as a function of adultery; "quickie divorce;" physical and verbal spousal abuse; non-committal co-habitation; pervasive infidelity and unwed cheating among celebrities, sports figures and politicians...

    (AP Photo/Charlie Riedel)

  • ...anti-scientific bias which holds, in complete absence of empirical proof, that non-heterosexual inclinations are genetically determined, irresistible and akin to innate traits like race, gender and eye color...

    ...anti-scientific bias which holds, in complete absence of empirical proof, that non-heterosexual inclinations are genetically determined, irresistible and akin to innate traits like race, gender and eye color...

    (AP Photo/Charlie Riedel, File)

  • ...as well as anti-scientific bias which holds, against all empirical evidence, that homosexual behavior in particular, and sexual promiscuity in general, optimizes individual or public health.

    ...as well as anti-scientific bias which holds, against all empirical evidence, that homosexual behavior in particular, and sexual promiscuity in general, optimizes individual or public health.

    (AP Photo/Charlie Riedel)

  • Therefore, in any elected or appointed capacity by which I may have the honor of serving our fellow citizens in these United States, I the undersigned do hereby solemnly vow to honor and to cherish, to defend and to uphold, the Institution of Marriage as only between one man and one woman.

    Therefore, in any elected or appointed capacity by which I may have the honor of serving our fellow citizens in these United States, I the undersigned do hereby solemnly vow to honor and to cherish, to defend and to uphold, the Institution of Marriage as only between one man and one woman.

    (AP Photo/The Sun News, Janet Blackmon Morgan)

  • I vow to do so through my: Personal fidelity to my spouse.

    I vow to do so through my: Personal fidelity to my spouse.

    (AP Photo/Alice Keeney)

  • Official fidelity to the U.S. Constitution, supporting the elevation of none but faithful constitutionalists as judges or justices.

    Official fidelity to the U.S. Constitution, supporting the elevation of none but faithful constitutionalists as judges or justices.

    (AP Photo/Andy Dunaway)

  • Vigorous opposition to any redefinition of the Institution of Marriage--faithful monogamy between one man and one woman--through statutory-, bureaucratic-, or court-imposed recognition of intimate unions which are bigamous, polygamous, polyandrous, same-sex, etc.

    Vigorous opposition to any redefinition of the Institution of Marriage--faithful monogamy between one man and one woman--through statutory-, bureaucratic-, or court-imposed recognition of intimate unions which are bigamous, polygamous, polyandrous, same-sex, etc.

    (AP Photo/Charlie Neibergall)

  • Recognition of the overwhelming statistical evidence that married people enjoy better health, better sex, longer lives, greater financial stability, and that children raised by a mother and a father together experience better learning, less addiction, less legal trouble, and less extramarital pregnancy.

    Recognition of the overwhelming statistical evidence that married people enjoy better health, better sex, longer lives, greater financial stability, and that children raised by a mother and a father together experience better learning, less addiction, less legal trouble, and less extramarital pregnancy.

    (AP Photo/The Gazette, Jim Slosiarek)

  • Earnest, bona fide legal advocacy for the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) at the federal and state levels.

    Earnest, bona fide legal advocacy for the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) at the federal and state levels.

    (AP Photo/The Gazette, Jim Slosiarek)

  • Steadfast embrace of a federal Marriage Amendment to the U.S. Constitution which protects the definition of marriage as between one man and one woman in all of the United States.

    Steadfast embrace of a federal Marriage Amendment to the U.S. Constitution which protects the definition of marriage as between one man and one woman in all of the United States.

    (AP Photo/Charlie Neibergall)

  • Humane protection of women and the innocent fruit of conjugal intimacy-- our next generation of American children--from human trafficking, sexual slavery, seduction into promiscuity, and all forms of pornography and prostitution, infanticide, abortion and other types of coercion or stolen innocence.

    Humane protection of women and the innocent fruit of conjugal intimacy-- our next generation of American children--from human trafficking, sexual slavery, seduction into promiscuity, and all forms of pornography and prostitution, infanticide, abortion and other types of coercion or stolen innocence.

    (AP Photo/Jim Cole)

  • Support for the enactment of safeguards for all married and unmarried U.S. Military and National Guard personnel, especially our combat troops, from inappropriate same-gender or opposite-gender sexual harassment, adultery or intrusively intimate commingling among attracteds (restrooms, showers, barracks, tents, etc.)...

    Support for the enactment of safeguards for all married and unmarried U.S. Military and National Guard personnel, especially our combat troops, from inappropriate same-gender or opposite-gender sexual harassment, adultery or intrusively intimate commingling among attracteds (restrooms, showers, barracks, tents, etc.)...

    (AP Photo/Charlie Riedel)

  • ...plus prompt termination of military policymakers who would expose American wives and daughters to rape or sexual harassment, torture, enslavement or sexual leveraging by the enemy in forward combat roles.

    ...plus prompt termination of military policymakers who would expose American wives and daughters to rape or sexual harassment, torture, enslavement or sexual leveraging by the enemy in forward combat roles.

    (AP Photo/Charlie Riedel)

  • Rejection of Sharia Islam and all other anti-woman, anti-human rights forms of totalitarian control.

    Rejection of Sharia Islam and all other anti-woman, anti-human rights forms of totalitarian control.

    (AP Photo/Charlie Neibergall)

  • Recognition that robust childbearing and reproduction is beneficial to U.S. demographic, economic, strategic and actuarial health and security.

    Recognition that robust childbearing and reproduction is beneficial to U.S. demographic, economic, strategic and actuarial health and security.

  • Practices such as adultery, bisexuality, homosexuality, anal intercourse, group sex, promiscuity, serial marriage, polygamy, polyandry and extramarital sex, individually or collectively, (do not) lead to general improvements in incidence of...

    Practices such as adultery, bisexuality, homosexuality, anal intercourse, group sex, promiscuity, serial marriage, polygamy, polyandry and extramarital sex, individually or collectively, (do not) lead to general improvements in incidence of...

  • ...Anal incontinence

    ...Anal incontinence

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