A lot of people don't know that there is an alternative to smearing poop all over your butt with toilet paper after you've finished your business!
It's called a bidet, and if you're not using one, you are not living your best life. Here are a few reasons why:
2. Your butt is also happier .
3. A thing that toilet paper does that water doesn't do is rip out tiny hairs in your crack and make you bleed.
4. Which means that you can live your life dingleberry-free with a bidet!
5. With the bidet method, you can spend the absolute minimum amount of time with your hand in your butt crack.
6. Civilized countries like Japan have already figured this out.
8. Running out of toilet paper stops being such a goddamn emergency.
9. You will also never have to worry about the dreaded "pruritus ani."
10. Plus, it's good for the environment!
11. Try to think about it as taking a relaxing, hygienic mini-shower for your butt every time you poop.
If all those reasons haven't convinced you, try these little thought experiments, and then ask yourself if your butt is living its best life.
