In The Me You Can't See, a new docuseries he coproduced with Oprah Winfrey, Prince Harry (the Duke of Sussex) said his wife, Meghan Markle, didn't act on the suicidal ideations she had during her pregnancy with their son, Archie, because she was afraid of hurting him.
"The thing that stopped her from seeing it through was how unfair it would be on me after everything that had happened to my mum and to now be put in a position of losing another woman in my life, with a baby inside of her, our baby," he said. "The scariest thing for her was her clarity of thought. She hadn’t ‘lost it.’ She wasn’t crazy. She wasn’t self-medicating, be it through pills or through alcohol. She was absolutely sober. She was completely sane. Yet in the quiet of night, these thoughts woke her up."
Harry said Meghan (the Duchess of Sussex) told him that she was contemplating killing herself right before they were scheduled to attend a charity event at the Royal Albert Hall in London.
"Meghan was struggling," he said. "People have seen the photograph of us, you know, squeezing each other’s hands as we walked into the Royal Albert Hall in London for a charity event. She was 6 months pregnant at the time. What perhaps people don’t understand is, earlier that evening, Meghan decided to share with me the suicidal thoughts and the practicalities of how she was going to end her life."
"I'm somewhat ashamed of the way that I dealt with it," he said. "And of course, because of the system that we were in and the responsibilities and the duties that we had, we had a quick cuddle, and then we had to get changed and had to jump in a convoy with a police escort and drive to the Royal Albert Hall for a charity event and then step out into a wall of cameras and pretend as though everything’s OK.
"There wasn’t an option to say, 'You know what? Tonight we’re not going to go.' Because just imagine the stories that come from that."
"While my wife and I were in those chairs, gripping each other’s hand, the moment the lights go down, Meghan starts crying. I’m feeling sorry for her, but I’m also really angry with myself that we’re stuck in this situation," Harry said. "I was ashamed that it got this bad. I was ashamed to go to my family. Because to be honest with you, like a lot of other people my age could probably relate to, I know that I’m not gonna get from my family what I need."
The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is 1-800-273-8255. The Trevor Project, which provides help and suicide-prevention resources for LGBTQ youth, is 1-866-488-7386. Other international suicide helplines can be found at befrienders.org.