In his brand new memoir, Pageboy, Elliot Page is reflecting on the highs and lows of his life, particularly with regard to his sexuality and identity.
Elliot came out as transgender in December 2020, sharing the news with the world in a heartfelt statement on social media. “Hi friends. I want to share with you that I am trans, my pronouns are he/they and my name is Elliot,” the message read. “I feel lucky to be writing this. To be here. To have arrived at this place in my life.”
While promoting Pageboy — which released earlier this week — Elliot has expressed gratitude to finally be able to embrace his authentic self. However, his memoir reveals that it took a lot of time and experience to reach this point in his journey.
As well as recalling his first kiss with a woman, Elliot opens up about his more awkward intimate encounters — including the first time he attempted to have sex with a man at age 16.
The Juno actor recalls dating a classmate named Kenneth, who he met in grade 10 at Queen Elizabeth High School in Halifax, Nova Scotia. “Kenneth was sweet, sensitive and cute. A unique face with prominent cheekbones and electric eyes, his hair dark brown and floppy,” he writes.
He says that the two of them would often engage in “dry humping.” However, Elliot struggled to get into it.
“We'd fool around upstairs. I didn't really like it but I didn't mind it either,” he writes. “The kissing, meh. The dry humping, alright. I would pretend to orgasm. Not that Kenneth wasn't or wouldn't be fantastic in bed. I am certain he would be a selfless and generous lover.”
Going into graphic detail, Elliot makes it clear that the attempts to have sex were unsuccessful due to the fact that he was struggling to feel aroused by the intimacy. “That whole ‘wet’ thing was not happening,” he remembers.
“We'd try and then stop, try and then stop, try and then stop, and then we stopped trying,” he says, adding that he was “lucky” it was with someone “as lovely” as Kenneth. “It could have ended a different way.”
Being just a teenager, the awkward experience with Kenneth left Elliot with a lot of complicated emotions — even beginning to question whether a previous injury to his vagina had caused his “body to refuse entry.”
“Everyone was talking about ‘doing it’ and ‘hooking up’ and ‘virginity’... and I didn't get it. Was everyone also pretending?” he questions in the passage. “I avoided sex with guys and suppressed my real, unrequited crushes. My brain could not comprehend that I simply wasn't interested, that I just didn't want to go through with it, which would be a completely appropriate feeling and response.”
In 2014, once he had already established himself in Hollywood, Elliot publicly came out as gay, telling an audience in Las Vegas: “I am tired of hiding and I am tired of lying by omission.”
Among the revelations in his memoir, one that left fans particularly shocked was Elliot’s recollection of a famous actor threatening to have sex with him to make him realize he wasn't gay.
Two months after he came out, Elliot said he attended a party in Los Angeles, where a “famous asshole” confronted him and questioned his sexuality.
The actor — who Elliot said he considered to be an “acquaintance” at the time — told him: “You aren't gay. That doesn’t exist. You are just afraid of men. I’m going to fuck you to make you realize you aren’t gay.”
Days later, the Inception star said he ran into the same actor at the gym, where they told him they didn't have a problem with gay people. Elliot responded: “I think you might.”
Speaking to People magazine about the decision to include the anecdote in his memoir, Elliot admitted that he’s had “some version of that happen many times” throughout his life, and that many queer and trans people “deal with it incessantly.”
“I put that story in the book because it’s about highlighting the reality, the shit we deal with and what gets sent to us constantly, particularly in environments that are predominantly cis and heterosexual,” he told the outlet.
Elliot obviously chose not to name the actor who accosted him, however he told People that the person in question “will hear about this and know it’s him.”
