How Congress Can Turn Things Around In 11 Easy Steps
Can the 113th U.S. congress win back the hearts of America? Probably not, but here's how our lawmakers can become a little more popular than head lice.
Step 1: Have a cup of coffee and repeat these words:
Step 2: Actually, skip the coffee. You've got a lot of work ahead of you.
Step 3: Put on your thinking cap.
Step 4: Don't let the polls get you down.
Step 5: Remember that bi-partisanship is hard.
So bring some treats to share with your peers.
And maybe you'll steer clear of stuff like this.
Step 6: Do your best to engage the nation's youth.
So equip yourself with the latest technology.
Step 7: Keep your head in the game with some exercise.
On second thought, skip the gym.
Step 8: Listen to your constituents.
I mean, really listen to them.
OK, this is just ridiculous.
Step 9: Avoid distracting extracurricular activities.
Grab a disco nap instead. You'll need it!
Step 10: Express yourself when you have the floor.
But don't act like a clown.
And always know when to yield.
Step 11: Hire this kid. You'll be glad you did when you fail miserably to pass meaningful legislation.
Good luck, and remember...