21 Easy Steps To Get CNN's New Boss Through His First Day
Jeff Zucker has a difficult task ahead of him, and his first day in Atlanta will be crucial. Here are some tips to help him survive.
Step 1: Take a cue from Biden and show up with some doughnuts.
Step 2: Print this picture and hang it over your desk.
Step 3: Introduce yourself to the CNN audience via hologram.
Step 4: Try to stay off Twitter.
Step 5: Don't let Wolf's new look psych you out.
Step 6: Say "hi" to John King but don't give him the impression that he's ever going to get his own show again.
Step 7: Take a deep breath and remember that none of the shows on CNN need "supersizing."
Step 8: Have your secretary forward all calls from Larry King to voice mail.
Step 9: Remember that you can't stop Christiane Amanpour, you can only hope to contain her.
Step 10: Make certain you are sitting at the cool kids' table during lunch.
Step 11: Don't forget to ask Piers Morgan if he's ever been properly in love.
Step 12: Bond with staffers by jumping off the giant CNN sign outside.
Step 13: Get a "Magic Wall" installed in your office because you can.
Step 14: Wolf hasn't had a vacation since 1995. Give the poor guy some time off.
Step 15: Politely ask Roland Martin to please stop bringing the funk on your network.
Step 17: Try not to get lost in foreign correspondent Nick Walsh's "Blue Steel" gaze.
Step 18: Bro-down with Carville by trading hairstyle tips.
Step 19: Before you log out of Gmail, send around a memo announcing the resurrection of "CNN After Dark."
Step 20: Don't forget to turn off the lights!
Step 21: Try to get some sleep and think about the ratings tomorrow.