Britney Spears described in a series of voice messages Saturday how hurt she's been that her sons have broken off contact with her, and she also explained why it's been so important for her to use social media to share what's on her mind — even though it has caused issues in their relationship.
It was the latest in a public back-and-forth involving the pop star, her ex Kevin Federline, and their sons, Sean Preston, 16, and Jayden James, 15. Last month, Federline told the Daily Mail that the boys had cut off contact with their mother over how she used social media, and in another interview, Jayden said that he thought she was compulsively posting to Instagram for attention.
Jayden also defended his grandfather Jamie Spears for putting the pop star in a conservatorship, the legal arrangement that controlled her life for almost 14 years. For most of that time, Britney was unable to speak openly about her experiences, and it was only after she called the conservatorship "abusive" in an explosive court hearing that a judge agreed that it was time for it to end.
Initially, Britney responded to her son's interview by calling out his lack of respect for her and accusing him of being angry that he'll stop receiving child support payments from her when he turns 18. On Saturday, she said she has more to say.
"With my kids now making the claims that 'She’s not good enough, she wants attention,'" she said. "Yeah, I do want to be heard, and I'm angry. I kind of subconsciously want to offend people because I've been so fucking offended."
Britney added that she now recognizes that she's really angry with Jamie — who she said she hopes burns in hell along with her mother, Lynne Spears — and she spoke directly to her sons about how much she continues to care about them.
"I'm so blessed to even call you mine, and I just want you to know I apologize," she said. "My ignorance in saying no — saying so to you guys, because that was meant for my father."
She also opened up about how painful the conflict with her sons has been, at one point mentioning that they'd blocked her in addition to stopping visits and missing her wedding.
"Since they've been gone, I've honestly felt like a huge part of me has died," Britney said. "Like literally, I have no purpose anymore. They were my joy, they were my everything. I looked forward to seeing them. That was what I lived for."
But, she added, she's not going to stop speaking publicly after being denied a voice for so long. She revealed that she has been meeting weekly with a therapist and is also doing equine therapy to heal from the isolation she experienced during the conservatorship — particularly the time she was forced to spend in a rehab facility. Opening up has always been a struggle for her, she added, describing herself as an introvert despite her life as a performer.
"In my head, it's really crucial to me to feel like I can share," Britney said. "If it’s the dumbest thing in the world that I do is share on my Instagram my thoughts, if it’s dumb, so be it, because I honestly feel like it helps me."