A Super Bowl Recap: It Happened. That's About All I Got For You.

"This is like watching Ambien."

Hey there. So, yeah, the Super Bowl sucked. We all had hopes. We prayed with bated breath for the underdogs. They were dashed. Life goes on as usual. What else is new?

A brief recap: The New England Patriots beat the freshly relocated Los Angeles Rams 13–3 in Atlanta, Georgia, on Sunday, in arguably what was the most anticlimactic snooze situation in recent sports history, as exemplified by this man's face:

Speaking from experience, many, many Angelenos lowered their heads into their already rain-drenched tacos in dismay, because LA just can't catch a fucking sports break, (cough DODGERS and LAKERS cough, cough) but, whatever, what doesn't kill you...

Anyway, for some reason, this game absolutely sucked and people obviously took to the internet to share their feelings, commiserate, and bemoan the fact that the most hyped-up spectacle let us down.

So, enjoy. On the upside, I can ~guarantee~ people's reactions are more entertaining than the three hours of whatever the F that was that we just "watched."

As you know, Tom Brady led the Patriots to triumph. Shocker. It was the contentious team's sixth time winning out of nine appearances.

Oh. Patriots win. That feels... familiar. #SuperBowl

Did you though? I mean, I feel like this statement is a stretch but that's amazing for you 👏

Gave everything we got and now we got everything. SUPER BOWL CHAMPIONS.

This year's championship was the lowest-scoring Super Bowl in history. By the fourth quarter (almost the end, for you basic sports people) it was a 3–3 game.

The Rams couldn't move the ball and one of the most exciting moments was this record-setting punt. Yep.

Field flipper. @JHekker's 65-yard punt is the longest in Super Bowl history.

In layman's terms:

A Super Bowl that goes down in history for setting the record for longest punt would be like an orgy you mostly remember for the amount of Purell that was used afterwards.

People were reallyyyyy feeling it.

What a high scoring, exhilarating game. #Superbowl

Truly riveted.

Lives were changed.

I could’ve done absolutely nothing for the last 3 hours and it would’ve been more entertaining than the Super Bowl

Memories were made.

I'm 46. This is, easily, the worst Super Bowl of my lifetime.

You know it's dire when...

The announcers are making fun of how boring the game is. I don’t recall that ever happening before in the #SuperBowl. And it’s hard to blame them.

Also when:

A mood:

A mood continued.

It just kept continuing.

Waiting for the Super Bowl to get exciting...

On another note, we are pretty sure that Elan made his dinner reservation, because nothing exciting happened to prevent him from missing it. Probably even had time to get a bread basket. You go, Glen Coco.

I have a dinner reservation at 7:30 so I’m gonna need these two teams to wrap it the fuck up #SuperBowl2019


Live look at the guy whose controlling the scoreboard: #SuperBowl

People were also let down by SpongeBob's brief cameo, having waited anxiously for weeks for an actual, like, performance.

The game: Here's the most boring thing you've ever seen. The Halftime entertainment: Hold my beer. #SuperBowl

But maybe this was the strategy all along...

These teams are playing like they know whoever wins goes to the White House

In the end, whenever in doubt: Just watch Beyoncé.

time for my annual rewatch of beyoncé’s super bowl performances

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