You all remember Michael Cohen — Donald Trump's former personal lawyer who was recently sentenced to three years in prison after he told a judge that he had covered up for the president's "dirty deeds" in acts of "blind loyalty."
Well, before all that, Cohen hired John Gauger, the chief information officer at Liberty University in Virginia, to try and rig online polls to boost Trump's reputation, the Wall Street Journal reported.
According to the report, at one point Cohen even paid Gauger with a blue Walmart bag full of cash from Trump's personal account. But Cohen also paid Gauger for another service: to create and operate a thirst Twitter account in his honor, @WomenForCohen.
Yes, in 2016 America, the personal attorney for a presidential candidate paid a private company called RedFinch to create a Twitter account and make it appear as if it were run by thirsty women tweeting about how amazing, sexy, selfless, and manly he is.
The bio says it all: "Women who love and support Michael Cohen. Strong, pit bull, sex symbol, no nonsense, business oriented, and ready to make a difference!"
The account debuted on May 2, 2016, with its first native tweet about Cohen fighting for equality.
For about eight months, @WomenforCohen tweeted about how well Cohen dressed, retweeted a lot of Diamond & Silk (which is a separate journey for another time), and gushed over how the top Republican nominee's attorney was basically a gift to this earth and the crème de la crème of Match.com.
"Wow! Love @MichaelCohen212 confidence and his ability to bring the heat!" one tweet from May 2016 proclaimed.
That same month, Cohen himself tweeted at the account, thanking all his fans for getting "what true leadership looks like" with the hashtag #yourock.
The account often complimented Cohen's smile, called him a "hero," came to his defense when others attacked, and imagined how amazing it was going to be to have "#ourguy" in Washington representing women.
The account also hammered in some pretty choice hashtags when referencing Cohen, including #pitbull, #StarProtector, and #SaysWho.
Between the lovefest, the account pushed the narrative that Trump was doing well in polls, which, again, Cohen had reportedly paid RedFinch to fix.
By the end of December 2016, @WomenForCohen lost steam and eventually stopped tweeting, perhaps because Cohen never fully paid RedFinch despite being reimbursed by Trump $50,000 for Gauger's services, the Wall Street Journal reported.
Now, Twitter only has what @WomenForCohen left behind in the way of hashtags and other Cohen thirst tweets.
But just remember, the thirst is not always real.
And never stop fighting for "honesty & truth in a world of sad people who follow the cloud of bullshit."