PoliticsThe Cluster That Happens When The President Visits The CapitolGET DOWN!By by Benny JohnsonBuzzFeed Staff and by Kate NoceraBuzzFeed News DC Bureau ChiefPosted on August 1, 2013, 4:12 pmTwitterFacebookLink President Obama rarely goes to the Capitol. So when he does, everyone pays attention! theguardian.com So here is a first-person perspective of what it takes to MAKE THIS VISIT HAPPEN: Tap to play GIF Tap to play GIF 1. When the motorcade is en route, traffic around the Capitol is heavily diverted. Benny Johnson "Hey, Mt. Sinai Baptist Church, go away." 2. If your office is in the Capitol: GOOD LUCK GETTING TO WORK. You cannot cross the red line. 3. There is a gigantic perimeter line created around the building where armed Capitol police will SCARE YOUR CHILDREN. Benny Johnson 4. 100 spooks gather on the roof to creep on you. Benny Johnson 5. And if you are some girl with a paddle, you will be flatly denied entrance to the grounds. Benny Johnson 6. COP STACHE IS HERE TO PROTECT. Benny Johnson He yells at me a few times to stop taking his picture. 7. There are many peculiar vehicles parked around the Capitol that are regularly not there, like these suicide vans. Benny Johnson 8. In fact, the front of the Capitol turns into a car lot for hybrids and military-grade SUVs. Benny Johnson 9. ALL THE TOURISTS GATHER ABOUT 500 FEET FROM THE HOUSE ENTRANCE. Benny Johnson With security guards barking at them the whole time. 10. And as you wait for a glimpse of the president, snipers stare back at you. Benny Johnson 11. Then THE BEAST pulls up with the president inside and it sounds like a diesel semi truck. Benny Johnson And all the interns stop running and are like: Benny Johnson 12. The standard presidential motorcade: ambulance, radar-jamming truck, and... Benny Johnson 13. ...my favorite: THE EXPENDABLES CAR! Benny Johnson COME WITH ME IF YOU WANT TO LIVE: dailybail.com 14. But if you were looking to see the man, you were out of luck BECAUSE THE SECRET SERVICE ARE SPEED RACERS! Tap to play GIF Tap to play GIF Tap to play GIF Tap to play GIF 15. The whole procession wraps under an old 'carriage entrance' at the Capitol and you really can't see anything. Benny Johnson And a guy from a major network covering the arrival snarks: "Wow, that five seconds was totally worth two hours of our time." 16. And after the president is "all clear," the Secret Service give THE BEAST a squeegee down! 17. NO SERIOUSLY. This is the most heavily guarded wax job on the planet. Training for the Secret Service: Tap to play GIF Tap to play GIF 18. At this point, if you have a Hill badge, you can walk into the building and right by the BEAST. It is gigantic. You will get yelled at if you try to take a picture INSIDE it. Benny Johnson 19. So with the outside now secured, Obama marches into the building and breezes through security checkpoints and blazes past staffers and press. Gary Cameron / Reuters Bald Secret Service is the BEST Secret Service. 20. He is whisked (at almost a sprinting pace) into a room containing EVERY Democrat member of the House. This is about as close as one can get to the room, which is way back there: Benny Johnson 21. A gaggle of reporters post up on the stairs outside the mysterious room. Some of them write furiously on their Wi-Fi cards but most are Snapchatting. Benny Johnson 22. Some reporters took the occasion of a presidential visit to really dress up. Benny Johnson NICE! New York Times. 23. NOW here is where it gets really EXCITING. The members start leaving the meeting. One or two at a time. Benny Johnson 24. THEN SUDDENLY: THE RUNNING OF THE DEMOCRATS! Tap to play GIF Tap to play GIF 25. And LOOK at what they walk into! A classic Reporter Phalanx! Benny Johnson "GIVE US ALL YOUR QUOTES." Tap to play GIF Tap to play GIF 26. And then, surrounded by his own phalanx of advisers, the president emerges. 27. As he walks up the stairs, Democrats that like being photographed vie for his attention. "PICK ME!" Benny Johnson 28. NANCY SAYS: "Can I get some respect for my shiny green pantsuit?" Gary Cameron / Reuters OBAMA SAYS: "Just don't buy one for Michelle." Benny Johnson As Nancy thinks about that, Clyburn sneaks in and tries to teach Obama a new handshake. Gary Cameron / Reuters OBAMA SAYS: "Ain't nobody got time for that." Benny Johnson So Clyburn tells him a knock-knock joke instead. Benny Johnson BUT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE JOKE Obama gets bored. Benny Johnson AND HE TOTALLY DITCHES CLYBURN. Benny Johnson 29. Obama then walks RIGHT UP TO US REPORTERS! Gary Cameron / Reuters And says FOUR WORDS! Tap to play GIF Tap to play GIF And the new Homeland Security secretary watches the procession dumbfounded while wondering what she will make the TSA ban next. Benny Johnson Frederica Wilson says, "GET BACK HERE AND WEAR MY HAT!" Benny Johnson 30. As the president wanders into the abyss of the Senate, all that's left of the massive procession is a lonely reporter shaking down poor Elijah Cummings. Benny Johnson 31. REPEAT ABOVE PROCESS ON THE SENATE SIDE. Benny Johnson 32. Except they have nicer walls and meaner cops. Larry Downing / Reuters AND REID SAYS: "Nice meeting you. Do you want a hot dog in the cafeteria?" Larry Downing / Reuters 33. OBAMA SAYS: "No. I have my own chef and the guy waxing my car outside is getting tired. PEACE." Larry Downing / Reuters And seconds later, Obama reverses out of the parking lot with his dreams. Tap to play GIF Tap to play GIF And every Hill reporter was like: Tap to play GIF Tap to play GIF In the end, Frederica Wilson was happy with the visit and that is ALL THAT MATTERS. Benny Johnson Contact Benny Johnson at benny.johnson+DONE@buzzfeed.com.Got a confidential tip? Submit it hereKate Nocera is the DC Bureau Chief for BuzzFeed News. Nocera is a recipient of the National Press Foundation's 2014 Dirksen Award for distinguished reporting on Congress.Contact Kate Nocera at firstname.lastname@example.org.