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America Needs A Death Star

Last week, the White House crushed our dreams of inter-galactic dominance by denying a petition for the construction of a Death Star. However, the question remains: "What if America had access to a Death Star throughout our proud history?"

Posted on January 14, 2013, at 4:16 p.m. ET

General Washington would have had greater negotiating power with the British.

John Gara

The glorious battles of the Civil War would become more glorious.

John Gara

Spain would have thought twice before starting the Spanish/ American War.

John Gara

America would have been more intimidating during World War I.

John Gara

Wartime propaganda would have been more persuasive.

John Gara

Our Air Defenses would have generally been stronger in Europe.

Benny Johnson

D-Day would have been a safer invasion.

Benny Johnson

We would have captured Iwo Jima with greater authority.

John Gara

And think of how we could have used the U.S.S. Death Star against terrorists?

John Gara

And it could serve as asteroid protection for the entire planet!

John Gara

All in all, America just looks better with a Death Star.

John Gara

So here's to you, patriotic nerds.

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