America Needs A Death Star

Last week, the White House crushed our dreams of inter-galactic dominance by denying a petition for the construction of a Death Star. However, the question remains: "What if America had access to a Death Star throughout our proud history?"

General Washington would have had greater negotiating power with the British.

The glorious battles of the Civil War would become more glorious.

Spain would have thought twice before starting the Spanish/ American War.

America would have been more intimidating during World War I.

Wartime propaganda would have been more persuasive.

Our Air Defenses would have generally been stronger in Europe.

D-Day would have been a safer invasion.

We would have captured Iwo Jima with greater authority.

And think of how we could have used the U.S.S. Death Star against terrorists?

And it could serve as asteroid protection for the entire planet!

All in all, America just looks better with a Death Star.

So here's to you, patriotic nerds.