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33 Things Obama Really Wants For His Birthday

It's a tough life.

Posted on August 4, 2013, at 11:28 a.m. ET

Barack Obama turns 52 on Aug. 4!

So what do you get for the most powerful man in the world?

33. An umbrella.

32. A traveling masseuse.

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31. Golf lessons...

...so this does not happen.

30. Some new pants.

29. Will.i.am's hat.

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28. Shoes.

27. A chair.

26. A full-court defense.

25. Some fruit.

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24. Some privacy.

(Probably won't happen.)

23. A private concerto.

22. Republicans who don't argue.

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21. A State of the Union that looks like THIS again:

20. A box for congressional leaders' cell phones.

19. Moving men.

18. Party guests that were actually invited.

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17. Some bread.

Some more bread.

"Please, for the love of God, no more bread."

16. Edward Snowden.

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15. An interior decorator.

14. More bow ties. (PLEASE MORE BOW TIES.)

13. A dog sitter.

12. Fewer selfies.

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And fewer photobombers in his cabinet meetings.

11. Protection against random superheroes.

10. You could tell him where you hid his cell phone, Miss Kennedy.

9. Spike Lee to put that thing down.

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8. A larger golf cart.

7. A beer. (COME ON, CZECH PRESIDENT!)

6. Some antiperspirant.

5. A cigarette.

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4. Football lessons.

3. A hug.

2. Or a kiss.

Or a pat on the cheek...?

1. A clear heir to the throne.

And if none of that works, at least you will always have:

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