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23 Things That Are Definitely Not Shut Down In The Capitol

Oh, OK.

Posted on October 1, 2013, at 1:36 p.m. ET

1. Construction to beautify the Supreme Court.

2. The massive layers of security around the Capitol.

Even the guards on bikes.

3. The bank in the Senate.

And its ATMs.

4. Gaggles of interest groups.

5. Lobbyists.

6. These golden chandeliers.

7. The press galleries and press conferences, of course!

8. The fancy subway system under the Capitol.

Haterz Gonna Hate! Zoom!

9. Autumn.

10. Gigantic, awful artwork.

The miniature models of these awful artworks are not shut down either.

11. Cafeterias for hungry staffers.

But there are long lines to get coffee.

12. Janitorial services.

13. Escalators.

14. These golden drinking fountains are not shut down.

15. Confused tourists walking around with their belts in their hands.

16. Golden trash cans for your visitor's passes.

17. The backlighting on this Richard Nixon statue.

18. This cleaning lady who dusts the marble statues.

19. Angry interview signs.

20. Daily paper circulation.

21. Repairs on all the spy cams around the Capitol.

22. The arsenal of SUVs that shuttles congressional leaders around.

23. All of the vending machines, even the one with the "BIG AZ BURGER."

But the iPad that lets you talk about your visit is SHUT DOWN!

Also the garbage pickup around the building leaves something to be desired.

Tours? SHUT DOWN!

Unless, of course, you have a congressional staff connection.

But worst of all, Senate Hair Care is SHUT DOWN!

The humanity.

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