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23 Libertarian Problems

Yes, I do sleep on a copy of Atlas Shrugged.

Posted on July 31, 2013, at 11:05 a.m. ET

23. When someone tells you your "crazy views will never win an election."

22. "Is this, like, your bible?"

21. When you get a fundraising text from the RNC.

20. You agree with Democrats on social issues and Republicans on fiscal...

Then they call you a libtard.

19. When other conservatives tell you that you will “grow out of your libertarian phase.”

18. When someone asks you to sign up to support Rick Santorum.

17. When one of your friends on Facebook posts a Heritage Foundation piece on national security.

16. When Glenn Beck calls himself a libertarian.

15. When Republicans call Rand Paul an "extremist."

Olivier Douliery/Abaca Press/MCT

You just want to force them to read Rothbard.

14. When Republicans want to use government to spread democracy, ban gay marriage, ban drugs... but still claim they're for "small government."

13. When you have this conversation...

... and this is how they see you the rest of the conversation.

12. When Republicans tell you that you have to choose between the lesser of two evils.

11. Being called a hippie because you don’t like going to war with other countries.

Then being called unpatriotic because you don’t think the government should be allowed to spy on citizens.

10. When Republicans tell you that deficits are bad, but absolutely lose their shit when you talk about defense spending cuts.

9. When Republicans tell you that they "need your support!" but then tell you to "shut up" when you try to get involved in party meetings.

8. When libertarian-leaning members of Congress try to influence legislation.

7. When people say, "But what about the roads?!?!!" as though there has never been a private company that could build roads.

6. "Oh, you just believe every word that Ron Paul/Ayn Rand says."

"And 9/11 was an inside job, right?"

5. When Chris Christie starts criticizing Libertarians...

Bloomberg / Getty Images

...and you're all like:

4. "I. am. NOT. A Republican."

3. "No, I’m not an anarchist… OK, maybe I am."

2. When you feel like a conservative around Libertarians and a Libertarian around conservatives.

1. When you are called an objectivist movement cultist.

Because SCREW THAT, Ayn Rand was the BEST!

H/t to all the libertarians in D.C. who passed along their complaints for this list.