BuzzFeed News

Reporting To You

politics

19 Mind-Blowing Things You Can Buy From The Federal Government

The federal government, working for you! And your one breast implant.

Posted on May 13, 2013, at 2:36 p.m. ET

The Government Services Administration is auctioning off some pretty wild stuff on its website!

19. You could own an entire federal building in Montana.

You can pass your own regulations in this old hearing room!

You can admire the government commissioned artwork in the lobby.

ADVERTISEMENT

For a paltry $2.5 million you too can have your own TSA checkpoint!

Imagine!

18. And of course you will need some metal detectors for your TSA checkpoint!

ADVERTISEMENT

17. And your own X-ray machine!

16. Why not buy your own freaking TANK!

BOMBARDIER TRACK VEHICLE, PN 478915: Current Bid: 5,000 USD

ADVERTISEMENT

Your new commute to work:

15. Your own action-movie van!

Complete with suicide doors.

Hollowed out, caged interior.

ADVERTISEMENT

All for 3,500 bucks!

You:

14. The Red Beast 1986 CHEVROLET D30

Beer can and air freshener optional.

ADVERTISEMENT

This beast is only 400 bones, people!

13. Rural government mobile home.

You right now:

Amenities, people, amenities!

ADVERTISEMENT

If you want to take a vacation, you can just hitch it to the nearest train track and you'll be headed west!

Hurry! Six other people want to live here!

12. Your own satellite "GLOBAL POSITIONING SYSTEM."

In-a-backpack Mr. Bond!!!

ADVERTISEMENT

Current bid: $278.

11. MERCURY DETECTORS

Handy if you live in Chernobyl! Only $5.

10. An Ab Lounger for $10!!!

ADVERTISEMENT

Thanks, government!

9. Who doesn't need a fingerprint scanner for $25?

8. EXAMINATION TABLES for the freak in all of us.

3,504 USD.

ADVERTISEMENT

Where else will you use your ULTRASOUND PROBE? Available now for $75.

Or some slightly used colonoscopes for just $425!

7. VESSEL, TRAWLER, 45 FT

ADVERTISEMENT

Start your own Bubba Gump Shrimp company for $15,000!

Could be you:

6. A 1920s Light Tower in Liston, Delaware.

And check out the view of the Delaware countryside! Current bid: 10,000 USD.

ADVERTISEMENT

5. Manana Island Sound Signal Station in Maine.

Think Moonrise Kingdom.

This rustic beauty can be yours for $66K.

You:

ADVERTISEMENT

4. Want your own top secret radar site? Former Columbia Falls Radar Site - Sector 2 can be yours!

Big, tall fences.

Mysterious buildings.

So creepy/awesome, for $75K!

ADVERTISEMENT

You:

3. MANGER SCENE

Complete with wise men, angels...

...and a busted ass.

ADVERTISEMENT

The government is selling baby Jesus for $55.

2. Think the government doesn't care about romance? How about a 14-karat gold ring for just $1,625?

No word on which busted drug dealer it came from.

No word on which busted drug dealer it came from.

1. One Breast Implant

"1 EA MENTOR, SMOOTH ROUND MODERATE PROFILE SALINE BREAST IMPLANT"

"1 EA MENTOR, SMOOTH ROUND MODERATE PROFILE SALINE BREAST IMPLANT"

ADVERTISEMENT

The federal government sells boobs only that were MADE IN AMERICA.

SOLD — for $105! The owner is now on the federal tit.

ADVERTISEMENT
ADVERTISEMENT
ADVERTISEMENT
ADVERTISEMENT
ADVERTISEMENT