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We Will Never Know Who Gave The CIA Director All This Insane Swag

With several swords and a museum's worth of sculpture, the director's office on the 7th floor of the CIA's Langley headquarters is apparently ~*very*~ fancy.

Posted on December 11, 2015, at 11:16 a.m. ET

Here's a fun fact for you: CIA Director John Brennan may have the most luxurious office in all of the federal government.

Pablo Martinez Monsivais / AP

We know this because it's currently what may be the best time of year for journalists: the time when the government is required to tell us all of the fancy things they got from the rest of the world!

Of course, they couldn't say no to the gifts on this list, all of which were received in 2014, because it would be awkward for everyone involved. (That's actually the official reason — "Non-acceptance would cause embarrassment to donor and U.S. Government.")

But, of course, the government can't tell you where the gifts to Brennan came from — every gift listed for the Central Intelligence Agency is cited as an exemption under a provision of U.S. code. Government heads can hedge on who gave them their swag if, the statute says, "such information could adversely affect United States intelligence sources or methods."

There also are no pictures of the items that the country's top spy have received, so here's some of our favorite goodies he got with ~artist's renderings~ of each of them:

1. An $800 small decorative sword

Retained for official use in the Director's Office, in case of mutiny or pesky reporters.
Radekprocyk / Getty Images

Retained for official use in the Director's Office, in case of mutiny or pesky reporters.

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2. A $500 “small glass boat sculpture”

Unclear if it's a glass sculpture or a sculpture of a "glass boat," in which case we have no idea what that is.
Ingram Publishing / Getty Images

Unclear if it's a glass sculpture or a sculpture of a "glass boat," in which case we have no idea what that is.

3. A $2,500 decorative SILVER sword

In the event the $800 sword is inadequate and/or pillaged.
Stockbyte / Getty Images

In the event the $800 sword is inadequate and/or pillaged.

4. A $750 silver Eagle statue

To match the aforementioned sword!
Acceptfoto / Getty Images

To match the aforementioned sword!

5. A $2,500 decorative silver bowl

To match the aforementioned eagle!
Karandaev / Getty Images

To match the aforementioned eagle!

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6. A $650 bronze “animal” statue

Unclear what mammal/amphibian/crustacean this one is. Also, who went with bronze? Rude.
Grosescu Alberto Mihai / Getty Images

Unclear what mammal/amphibian/crustacean this one is. Also, who went with bronze? Rude.

7. A $10,000 ($10,000!) OMEGA men’s watch

Which had better have come with a poison dart inside or something.
Rocky89 / Getty Images

Which had better have come with a poison dart inside or something.

8. Small, $500 crystal and gold chariot statue

It appears the Director's office is also in the market for a statue/sculpture cabinet.
Dorling Kindersley / Getty Images

It appears the Director's office is also in the market for a statue/sculpture cabinet.

9. A $700 “Crystal tea pot. Pyramid. Statue.”

Did they really get all this for $700? The pyramid's a steal.
Ingram Publishing / Getty Images

Did they really get all this for $700? The pyramid's a steal.

10. A $500 wooden table

For all the sculptures!
Knowlesie / Getty Images

For all the sculptures!

11. And finally, a $7,500 decorative rug

Woven with the covert dreams of every aspiring American James Bond.
Pablo Martinez Monsivais / AP

Woven with the covert dreams of every aspiring American James Bond.

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