1.
Fahrenheit is the Internet Explorer of temperature scales. A lot of people still use it, but the rest of us can't figure out why.
2.
Canabalism.
3.
A pet rock is a fun pet until you realize that it's essentially immortal and you've damned it to an eternity of watching its loved ones die
4.
[Chemical Bar] Oxygen: *Winks at two pretty hydrogen ladies* The names Bond. Covelant Bond. *They get wet together*
5.
*accidentally taxidermies the wrong end of a lion* "What a catasstrophy!"
6.
"Stand up for myself? Get a spine? Dammit Karen! It's like you don't even know what 'invertebrate' means!" I retort, angrily squirting ink.
7.
You guys seriously haven't lived until you're capable of metabolism, growth, reproduction, and adaptation to your environment
8.
I wear a stethoscope so that in a medical emergency I can teach people a valuable lesson about assumptions.
9.
When there's a hockey game at 7 but you gotta be in space by 10:
10.
I call this, "Sun Setting on Science Education", painted with rich, vibrant homeopathic oil paints.
11.
Me to the bartender: just fuck me up Bartender: the Sun makes up 99.8% of the entire mass of the whole Solar System. Me: shiiiit, thanks man
12.
12013 B.C.: You might run into cougars while out clubbing 2013 A.D.: You might run into cougars while out clubbing
13.
Damn girl, are you astrophysics? Because I don't know enough about you to finish this joke.
14.
sext: i am physically incapable of not misreading hardon as hadron so be prepared to discuss supercolliders i guess
15.
Try not to remember that your brain is the pilot of a meat robot that can't do twenty pushups without dying.
16.
More Mexicans Are Leaving Than Coming to the U.S. -Pew Research Center Lasers Are Totally Awesome AF! -Pew Pew Research Center
17.
I think creationism should be taught in science just as I think Lord of the Rings should be taught in history by sword & sorcery literalists
18.
I wonder what it's like to have sex in zero gravity... Or even in regular gravity.
19.
NASA scientist: ...and this is my workspace. Astronaut: You mean your workstuckinanofficeonEarth. NASA scientist: Fuck off Carl.
20.
Why yes, I do live under a rock. It's called the moon.
21.
HER: What's your cell plan? ME: Bodily decay over decades until inevitable mortal collapse. You? HER: ... ME: ... HER: ... V-Verizon.
22.
*NASA Headquarters* Reporter- Why did you name the Mars rover Curiosity? Scientist- The prototype killed a shit ton of cats. Next question.