We here in 2018 have a tendency to blame technology for pretty much everything.
We get food poisoning at a restaurant? We blame Yelp. We’re late to meet up with a friend? We blame “maps.” We believe a presidential candidate is a space lizard from Mars? That’s on Google.
The tech platforms are certainly worthy of scrutiny, but we can go a bit overboard at times. And perhaps nowhere do some people go overboard with more intensity and vigor than in Tinder’s review sections on the iOS App Store and the Google Play Store.
The dating app’s reviews provide a fascinating window into the state of the modern human psyche. They are sometimes dark, sometimes hilarious, and often in between. The one-star reviews are especially interesting, filled with people who can’t come to grips with their own limitations, along with those dissatisfied with the app for a long list of strange reasons.
And let's be honest, these swipers aren't entirely on their own. Anyone who’s used these apps and has been blocked or ghosted has probably wondered if the app malfunctioned too.
Here, for your reading pleasure, is a sampling of Tinder app reviews:
The Clueless Narcissist
“Not to be arrogant but I’m a 55 yr old retired wealthy musician that lives on a 75ft houseboat on Lake Mead…. I have around 10-12 % body fat and definitely above average in the looks department. I’ve swiped hundreds of women from 40-56 yrs of age with 1 match/ reply in over a week or so.”
The Good Writer
“I'm a good-looking guy who can write. I right-swiped on all. I didn't get a single match. I got 4 numbers and 2 dates when I went out in person. Garbage app. Don't waste your time.”
The Cursed Bachelor
“Well all was going well in till I couldn't log in kept on saying try again. The girl I was talking too thought I was ignoring her. She has since slept with my best friend to anger me and taken a dump on my doorstep. Tinder you have cost me my future wife.”
The Metaphor Man
“Sorry, Tinder is like shooting fish in a barrel, but blindfolded. I’ve had too many matches that never even responded to messages.”
The Shrimp Fan
“Not NEARLY as many shrimp enthusiasts as I was anticipating! I do NOT recommend!”
The Ghost Buster
“As a guy, it is expected on this app that you say something first. And no one ever replies, no matter how sweet, funny, witty, or straight up honest you are... nothing.”
The Polite Guy
“Tinder is a hookup app. No denying that. Why am I being banned for wanting to do that when people can simply swipe left instead of reporting me?”
The Catfish Hunter
“Talked with them for about a month. Went out. Never called again. He told me his wife passed away. Come to find out he is married. She never passed away. He bought a pre paid cell. It’s not trust worthy.”
The Unsatisfied, Satisfied Customer
“I downloaded tinder bc it was SUPPOSED to be a hookup app and I didn’t want anything committal at this point in my life BUT I FOUND LOVE. So yeah be careful.”
Tinder did not immediately respond to a request for comment.