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What Type Of Centrist Dad Are You?

Finish this statement: The best time to be alive was...

Pick a shed in which to hide from your family

Finish this statement: I'm in pain because of my...

Things are going pretty well for you. You have a well-paid job, a nice 5 bed house in a commuter village, you're probably going to pack the kids off to boarding school any day now, cash in your shares, and spend long summers in the South of France. The problem? For whatever reasons, you like redistributive politics. Not socialism - don't be daft - for you, British politics was never better than when there was a Coalition. That was \*even\* better than Blair. Now it's all Brexiteers and Corbyn and snowflake students and social media networks you don't understand and frankly it's almost enough to make you want to not vote Tory. But you will.

Higher Professional Centrist Dad:

You're young at heart: witness your ever so slightly sporty family car and the fact you have opinions on Childish Gambino. You like socialism. So why don't you like Labour? It's just... all a bit too much at the minute. You've got bills to pay. Is Jeremy Corbyn going to help you pay your bills? He's not going to help you pay your bills, is he? And, above all, deep down, you want to send your kids to private school. Corbyn doesn't like that. Christ, maybe he's right. It is immoral. Hopefully they'll get a scholarship. Conscience clear.

Lower Managerial Centrist Dad:

For you, British politics means one thing: Brexit. The single biggest calamity to befall the UK since, well - ever. How could Britain have got things so irrevocably, irretrievably WRONG? You spend your days retweeting Andrew Adonis and reading up on obscure customs laws. You only drink continental wine. Your children will be schooled with relatives on the continent, and thence to the Sorbonne. Corbyn, May, anyone who wants anything other than another referendum - all are traitors to their country. From now on, you only drink French wine, and you recently bought a Citroen Xsara. If only you'd had time back in 2016 to campaign for Remain during the referendum. Or, come to think of it, vote for it.

Brextremist Centrist Dad:

Let's be quite clear here: You are of the left. You're basically a socialist. You've always voted Labour. Your kids go to state school (admittedly they also get tuition at home but it's not the point). You jokingly call the house in Hackney your parents bought you in 2004 a "commune" because you have a lodger. You may work at a management consultancy, but you only do it because that's where your skill set took you. Basically a socialist. And yet. And yet. Nothing feels right. Ageing is unsettling. The other day you heard some youths talking about "drill" music and you had no idea what they meant. Why aren't the kids doing drugs these days, either? Labour too - it should be good, but now you wish there was a nice sensible man like - obviously not Blair but - Robin Cook. He was good. You'll still vote for them, of course. Won't you?

Fully Automated Luxury Centrist Dad

Things you like: evidence based policy. Foaming tankards of ale. Redistribution – but also non-interference in the markets. Red tape, but not too much red tape. Walks in the countryside. Days at the cricket or rugby. Comfortable cars that have a bit of kick to them at the lights. Anna Soubry. Tony Blair. Re-runs of Morse on ITV 3. Nick Clegg. Grammar schools. Things you don't like: Tribal politics. East London. South London. Come to think of it: London. Piers Morgan. Lager. The Daily Mail. The Guardian. People exiting slip roads at 30mph because they somehow think it's safer. Owen Jones. Nigel Farage.

Central Centrist Dad:

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What Type Of Centrist Dad Are You?

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