Quiz

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Come On A Journey With Me To Achieve Enlightenment

Hello. I'm so glad you decided not to throw my flyer in the trash. Thank you for coming. Sit down! Today I will guide you through my 12-step program. At the end of the day, you will achieve Enlightenment. Please sign this form and we can get started.
![Image Alt Text](https://img.buzzfeed.com/store-an-image-prod-us-east-1/kZSLJVt_K.png)


The Start!

![Image Alt Text](https://img.buzzfeed.com/store-an-image-prod-us-east-1/9SZ0QwE8J.png)
Perfect. Now, please step into the back room with me. The process will commence now.

Sign

Come back soon!
![Image Alt Text](https://img.buzzfeed.com/store-an-image-prod-us-east-1/IUGvlqH9b.png)


Leave

Do you feel the vibrations coming from the walls? Take a minute to notice them. Do you hear the calming ambient noise? You should slowly start to feel these vibrations and sounds washing over your body, like waves on a beach. Now, notice how all this is affecting you. Breathe in and out. Good. Let's continue.
![Image Alt Text](https://img.buzzfeed.com/store-an-image-prod-us-east-1/eDgt9RPTR.png)


Follow

Now we arrive at the chamber of the heart. This is the Heart Triangle. It can sense your deepest needs. The triangle says what you need right now is inspiration. Therefore, I will subscribe you to my daily e-newsletter so you can receive mini tips and tricks on how to stay enlightened. Sometimes there are even coupons for my Etsy store, where I sell sachet bags of dried leaves.
![Image Alt Text](https://img.buzzfeed.com/store-an-image-prod-us-east-1/QpnAh4U3C.png)


Onward! Please follow me through this door. This, my friend, is the Lost Garden of Dorcas. It smells of death and decay. Nothing lives here, but as you can see, the Dark Adjudicator appears from time to time. This apparition has come to judge you of all your wrongdoings so you can start anew. The Dark Adjudicator is very knowledgeable and knows a great deal. All he needs in order to judge you is the last four digits of your Social Security number. Please speak to him slowly and clearly, for he occupies multiple dimensions at once.
![Image Alt Text](https://img.buzzfeed.com/store-an-image-prod-us-east-1/h0bHWMKVT.png)


Uh...okay?

Are you sure? I also run a very interesting Paleo cooking blog! All this and more appear in the e-newsletter!

I don't want to subscribe to your e-newsletter.

Wonderful, wonderful! Splendid! Splendid! Let us continue on!

5701.

I sense...resistance in your soul. Your soul does not want to become Enlightened! What a shame! All this for nothing!

I will not provide that information.

Oh, yes! Yes, of course. The Dark Adjudicator notices you are a very complex being, and so is taking a longer time to read all your complexities! Let me see, let me see. Yes! I am getting something from him now. He speaks in silence but he communicates clearly. You have told lies in the past, but you have also told truths. The Dark Adjudicator absolves you of those lies, for you are a good person at heart! What's that, Dark Adjudicator? You must go now? Ah, yes. He cannot stay in one place for too long. Let us move on, quickly!
![Image Alt Text](https://img.buzzfeed.com/store-an-image-prod-us-east-1/_57tSw_J1.png)


Wasn't the Dark Adjudicator going to judge me?

Beyond the Lost Garden of Dorcas lies this: The Wood of Rebirth. The pathway leads to the illuminated threshold up ahead. After you cross it, your soul will be refreshed and ready to accept change. But to pass, you must shed one of your worldly belongings: a symbol of your "letting-go." Perhaps...there is something in your wallet you could part with? A cold, unfeeling plastic card, for example, would perfectly symbolize your UNHEALTHY tether to the material world...?
![Image Alt Text](https://img.buzzfeed.com/store-an-image-prod-us-east-1/ddpPbqiOv.png)


Yes! Yes! I can tell you are more Enlightened already. Please, come with me. We must carry on!

Sure, here's my credit card.

Oh! I see, I see. Well then! Please, friend, come with me, right this way.

I'm not giving you anything in my wallet!

We have arrived at your next step of Enlightenment: my studio apartment. Part of this program aims to teach you how to help others, because helping others helps YOU. Therefore, I'm going to ask you to help me with a simple task, in a...simulation...I have set up here. Do you see that large box in the corner? It's a new IKEA coffee table. I'd like you to assemble it for me – or rather, for YOURSELF. 
![Image Alt Text](https://img.buzzfeed.com/store-an-image-prod-us-east-1/ex_nDqwJN.png)


Well, that's not exactly – it's part of the Enlightenment process. But, of course. I see your point! Not everyone can wield an Allen wrench! We will just have to focus on other parts of your improvement. Let us move on.

You want me to put your furniture together for you? No way.

We are now in the Hall of a Thousand Candles. You will learn patience here. Please blow out each individual candle, one by one, carefully and steadily. As you do this, I am going to leave the room momentarily to use the restroom back in my apartment. I will return shortly.
![Image Alt Text](https://img.buzzfeed.com/store-an-image-prod-us-east-1/xpDXV5vIi.png)


Follow*

I'm back! I see you have blown out all the candles. I have bought a wonderful new lamp from IKEA with your credit ca – I mean...
The candles were a lesson...a lesson in...patience. Did I say that before? Well, nevertheless! Off we go! Come, come!

Okay...

Don't be shy, stand right here! This mannequin wrapped in string lights represents all the negativity in your life that is weighing you down. Allow this experience to take that weight away from you. Did you know that much of our resentment stems from our earliest memories? I can help you with that, but I need to become a little more familiar with your life. What is your mother's maiden name? What is the name of your first pet? What is your father's middle name? In what city were you born? What was your school mascot?
![Image Alt Text](https://img.buzzfeed.com/store-an-image-prod-us-east-1/YS4EaYX2I.png)


Very interesting! VERY interesting! I will certainly be reflecting on this further at a later date. In the meantime, it is time for us to move to the next space! Yes, right through here. THIS, my friend, is my Pink Floyd Dedication Pyramid. I do love Pink Floyd dearly. And you must too, if you wish to become Enlightened. We can move on as soon as you say, out loud, that you love Pink Floyd.
![Image Alt Text](https://img.buzzfeed.com/store-an-image-prod-us-east-1/D04NTXBg2.png)



Bradshaw, Scruffers, Victor, Baton Rouge, The Fightin' Lions

It's interesting you mention security. Are you keeping your true self inside? Holding things back? Who really sees the real you?

What?! Those are all security questions! 

PERFECTION, MY DEAR FRIEND!! Now hurry, hurry, we are moving into the most crucial part of the lesson! Come, right through here!

I...I love Pink Floyd.

What...does this have...to do...with ANYTHING?! Pink Floyd taught me about Enlightenment in the first place! How dare you judge them! How dare you cast them aside!

I already liked them, but what does this have to do with anything?

So much light radiating through this corridor! It comes from within you, my friend. Some disciples who pass through here do not illuminate this hall as brightly, but you are an honest soul. Let's do a little exercise: as you walk slowly down the corridor, practice your breath. A great way to control your breath is to speak a combination of letters and numbers out loud as you breathe. Sometimes I find it easier to recite my address! Isn't that fun! Maybe you could recite your home address, very slowly, while practicing your breath.
![Image Alt Text](https://img.buzzfeed.com/store-an-image-prod-us-east-1/p2SFvj3-n.png)


That was MARVELOUS! Can you tell the difference in your breath and body? You must feel so much more relaxed now! And look! We have reached the end of the corridor, where the Last Door stands. Go on, open it!
![Image Alt Text](https://img.buzzfeed.com/store-an-image-prod-us-east-1/3o-lQIfEC.png)


3-6-7-7...Harbor...Street...

This is the Garden of Enlightenment! You have passed all the trials exquisitely; now all you must do is spin around three times and shout, "I AM ENLIGHTENED!"
![Image Alt Text](https://img.buzzfeed.com/store-an-image-prod-us-east-1/Gkz_Yl6Iw.png)


Open the door

Ha, ha! You must be mistaken. It is the Garden of Enlightenment! Look again!
![Image Alt Text](https://img.buzzfeed.com/store-an-image-prod-us-east-1/QWJRhW_en.png)


Uh...this is the park. The entrance to your shop is, like, a door away.

Well done, well done, well done! Whenever your ready, please return to the front of the shop to pay the $500 you agreed to in the contract you signed. Congratulations!
![Image Alt Text](https://img.buzzfeed.com/store-an-image-prod-us-east-1/e8t4467E2.png)


I AM ENLIGHTENED!!!

I'm sorry I could not help you further! Goodbye!
![Image Alt Text](https://img.buzzfeed.com/store-an-image-prod-us-east-1/EnD9BcvWx.png)


I THOUGHT YOU WOULD!!! Now, please! Spin around three times and shout, "I AM ENLIGHTENED!"
![Image Alt Text](https://img.buzzfeed.com/store-an-image-prod-us-east-1/Dmy-1Lra5.png)


Oh, right. I see it now.

You showed so much promise. I see I should not have trusted you so easily. Some, like you, are deceivers. Leave! LEAVE ME NOW! Your bill for this session will arrive in the mail within 5-7 business days!
![Image Alt Text](https://img.buzzfeed.com/store-an-image-prod-us-east-1/gEOExZuKw.png)


It's the park.

Ah, I see. Well then, come with me, please.

I just don't get it.

Goodbye. I feel sorry for you!
![Image Alt Text](https://img.buzzfeed.com/store-an-image-prod-us-east-1/bztVs6qmr.png)


Wonderful job! Yes! Perfection! The table looks very sturdy. Many thanks, my disciple. Now, hurry! Yes, that's right, through this door here.

Alright, I guess.

O-okay.................................................fine. Come.

This is stupid.

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Come On A Journey With Me To Achieve Enlightenment

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