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33 Things Obama Really Wants For His Birthday

It's a tough life.

Barack Obama turns 52 on Aug. 4!

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So what do you get for the most powerful man in the world?

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33. An umbrella.

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32. A traveling masseuse.

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31. Golf lessons...

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...so this does not happen.

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30. Some new pants.

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29. Will.i.am's hat.

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28. Shoes.

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27. A chair.

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26. A full-court defense.

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25. Some fruit.

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24. Some privacy.

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(Probably won't happen.)

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23. A private concerto.

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22. Republicans who don't argue.

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21. A State of the Union that looks like THIS again:

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20. A box for congressional leaders' cell phones.

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19. Moving men.

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18. Party guests that were actually invited.

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17. Some bread.

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Some more bread.

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"Please, for the love of God, no more bread."

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16. Edward Snowden.

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15. An interior decorator.

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14. More bow ties. (PLEASE MORE BOW TIES.)

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13. A dog sitter.

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12. Fewer selfies.

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And fewer photobombers in his cabinet meetings.

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11. Protection against random superheroes.

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10. You could tell him where you hid his cell phone, Miss Kennedy.

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9. Spike Lee to put that thing down.

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8. A larger golf cart.

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7. A beer. (COME ON, CZECH PRESIDENT!)

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6. Some antiperspirant.

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5. A cigarette.

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4. Football lessons.

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3. A hug.

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2. Or a kiss.

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Or a pat on the cheek...?

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1. A clear heir to the throne.

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And if none of that works, at least you will always have:

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